


You're the cure, you're the pain

by ifzi0531



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Drama, Future Fic, M/M, parents-to-be ziall, some medical inaccuracies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 19:02:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3948157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate to break this to you, but I don't think a baby uses rabbit shampoo for bathing." Zayn teased.</p><p>Niall pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know what I meant! I thought we agreed that practice makes perfect or whatsoever." </p><p> </p><p>or </p><p>Zayn and Niall babysit a friend's bunny, during which Niall tells Zayn that he wants to adopt a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're the cure, you're the pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xTammyVx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xTammyVx/gifts).



> For the prompt 'Zayn and Niall babysit a friend's bunny, during which Niall tells Zayn that he wants to adopt a child' which I originally wanted to make it fluffy but it turned out my alter-ego as a writer is to write drama, so.....I hope this is alright for you. :) 
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Dmitri, who despite her busy schedule, managed to help me with the errors etc. :) 
> 
> And thanks for the admin of this exchange for being so kind and considerate and makes this experience as a fun one. xx 
> 
> p/s: title taken from ellie goulding - love me like you do. It's a ziall song for me. And there's one or two quotes that I came across randomly on tumblr is used here, so credit to the owner.

“Niall, I’ve been looking for you!” 

Niall startles slightly, glancing up from his position on the floor when he hears Zayn’s voice, and grinning at his boyfriend. “We have a guest.” He says, and beckons for Zayn to come closer. 

Zayn looks at Niall, confused, but steps closer towards him, and his eyes go wide when he sees the small animal in front of Niall. “Urm, Niall, I don’t remember having a talk about raising a bunny in this house?” 

Niall laughs, shaking his head. “It’s Harry’s. He’s going to LA and he’s worried about his bunny, so he asked me if I can babysit her for a while.” He explains, gently picking up the bunny from the floor and cuddling her into his arms. 

Zayn shakes his head at Niall, smiling fondly. “What's her name though?” 

“Chubby bunny.” Niall replies simply, and he laughs out loud when he sees the expression on Zayn’s face. 

“Such an idiot,” Zayn mutters, but Niall can hear the fondness in his voice. Niall knows the tone so well, because it’s the tone that they always use over Harry’s antics. Bless him.

**************

Niall hears the familiar footsteps coming up behind him, but before he can say anything, Zayn is already hugging him from behind, hooking his chin on Niall’s shoulder and wrapping his hands around Niall’s waist, patting Niall’s stomach gently.

“What are you doing?” Zayn’s voice is deep, heavy with sleep and Niall feels himself shivers slightly as he can feel Zayn’s breath fanning near his face. 

“Preparing food for Chibby.” Niall replies. He feels the hands on his stomach tightens, before Zayn turns him around. 

“Chibby?” Zayn asks, raising his eyebrows in confusion, before leaning forward to steal a kiss on Niall’s lips. It’s their ritual, to give each other a morning kiss the first thing in the morning. And even though Niall had given his kiss to Zayn when he woke up earlier, well who’s counting? 

Niall nods, grinning when they pull away. “The bunny. Chubby Bunny is just mouthful, so I shortened it to Chibby,” he tells Zayn. 

Zayn chuckle, shaking his head fondly at Niall. “Does Harry know that?” 

Niall shrugs. “What Harry doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” he says cheekily, before turning around to finish what he was doing earlier. 

Zayn hooks his chin over Niall’s shoulder again, and from the corner of his eyes, Niall can see Zayn’s pout. “What?” He asks, tilting his head slightly to his left.

“I feel like you’re spoiling Chibby more than me,” Zayn pouts. 

Niall blinks his eyes. Once. Twice. And then he laughs. “Are you telling me that you’re jealous of bunny, Mr. Zayn Malik?” He teases, and it earns him a little pinch on his stomach, making him yelp. 

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah. I mean, you’re always preparing her food. You take your bath with her. Sometimes I catch you sleeping with her,” he says, pouting exaggeratingly. 

Niall laughs, shifting his body until he turns around to face Zayn again. “Okay, first of all. I always cook for you. Second of all, we do take bath together. Did you forget about last night? And third, I’m only sleeping with her when you’re not home, and I need something to cuddle.” 

Zayn’s pout dissolves into a grin, before he pulls Niall closer towards him, kissing Niall’s nose gently. “I know, babe. I was just teasing you,” he says. “But Ni, sometimes I can hear you baby-talking to her too,” he adds. 

Niall freezes, his cheeks suddenly feeling hot and he averts his eyes from Zayn’s. Niall shifts his feet nervously, before pulling away from Zayn’s grip. Noticing his change of demeanor, Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Niall?” Zayn calls out. “Did I say something wrong?” 

Niall shakes his head, “Nothing,” he mumbles under his breath, before grabbing the small plate from the counter. “I’m just going to feed Chibby,” he says, not giving Zayn a chance to say anything before he flees out of the kitchen. 

Of course, being in relationship for so long, Zayn knows that there is something wrong, and Niall doesn’t even surprise when he feels Zayn’s presence beside him as he’s feeding Chibby.

“Niall-,” Zayn calls out gently, and Niall sighs. 

Zayn grabs Niall’s chin, forcing Niall to face him properly. “What’s wrong?” He asks again, and Niall feels guilty when he sees the frown on Zayn’s expression. 

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Niall.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Seriously. Nothing’s wrong. It’s just-,” he trails off. 

“Just what?” 

“What do you think about having a kid?” Niall blurts out. 

Zayn’s eyes widen, and Niall feels like he just made a huge mistake by blurting the words out. Quickly, he scrambles away from Zayn. “Let’s just forget it.” 

But before Niall can go far, Zayn reaches for his hand, pulling him closer towards him. “You want a kid?” He asks, before he adds. “Together?” 

Niall nods, staring at Zayn and biting his lips nervously. “Like, I always think about it, but since this past two weeks, it just strikes me how much I want a kid with you. When you take care of Chibby, it makes me feel like you’re taking care of our kid and I don’t know, it makes me feel like I want to have a kid with you,” he rambles on. 

Zayn stares at Niall, unblinking. “But Chibby is a bunny.” He points out. 

Niall laughs humorlessly. “I know. But...” he trails off, and then shaking his head. “Never mind, forget I said anything. It’s stupid. You’re right, it’s just a bunny. Taking care of bunny doesn’t mean that it’d be the same as taking care of a baby, right? What do I know? What do _we_ know?”

“Hey, hey, no, don’t say that.” Zayn cups Niall’s face, his thumbs caressing Niall’s cheeks gently, and Niall can’t help it but to look straight into Zayn’s eyes. Zayn smiles at Niall, a little smile that he always reserve for Niall and Niall feels his heart flutters. “Look, I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I was just shocked because I never knew that you want a kid. At least at the moment.” 

Niall sighs. “I know, I’m sorry to ambush you like this.” He apologizes. “It’s okay, Zayn. We don’t need to talk about this now.”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, we _do_ need to talk about this now.” He insists before he continues. “I’m flattered that you want have a kid with me, Niall. I _do_ want the same thing with you too, you know? But I never talked about it because I didn’t know if you were ready for it yet.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows sceptically. “Really? Or are you just pulling shit with me?”

Zayn chuckles. “Have I ever lied to you? Especially about this kind of thing?”

“Well, no. But-“ 

“No but, Niall. I’m telling you the truth. You don’t know how much I want to have a kid with you, _kids_ even. Can you imagine what it would be like to have kids running around our house?”

Niall starts to smile, before he nods. “I can. I can totally imagine what ruckus would it be, but I have a feeling that I’ll love it.” 

Zayn smiles in return. “And I’ll love it too.” He says, before leaning forward to catch Niall’s lips, kissing him. 

Niall reaches for Zayn’s neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. They pull away slightly, breathless, and leaning their foreheads against each other’s. 

“We are really doing this?” Niall asks, uncertainty laces heavily in his voice. 

Niall’s fear and worry dissipate when Zayn gives him a firm “yes” as his reply. 

“So, we need to decide, from which area that we want to adopt?” Zayn asks. 

Niall shrugs. “I love to adopt, but, maybe-,” he trails off. “Maybe we can get one of our own?” He says shyly, feeling little bit nervous. He really had a thought about it and to be honest, he favours having kids with their genes. He can imagine how the baby would look like with Zayn’s feature and it makes his heart flutters just imagining those things. 

Zayn’s eyes widen, before he beams, and nods eagerly. “Yeah, we can do that.” He says, before pulling Niall into his kiss again. 

The sound of something clawing by their feet makes them break the kiss to look down. Of course it’s Chibby, munching Niall’s toe, probably still hungry. 

Zayn smiles, before he bends down to pick the bunny, and holds her in his arm. “Let’s take care of our Baby Chibby for now, okay?” He tells Niall, smiling widely. “We need to practice more, cause practice makes perfect.” 

Niall leans in to kiss his boyfriend, feeling so well loved and he couldn’t be happier at that moment. “I know you will be a great father, Zayn.” He says breathily as they pull away slightly from the kiss, both gasping for air. 

Zayn’s smile widens, then he leans in and captures Niall’s lips onto his again. “I know you will be too, Ni.”

**************

“What do you think of naming the baby as Zayn Jr.?”

Niall laughs against Zayn’s chest, too tired to open his eyes after the _activities_ that they had just finished. “Zayn, this is _so_ not the time to think about this.” 

“Why not?” Zayn whines, his arm tighten around Niall’s waist. 

“Because I’m tired.” Niall whines. 

“Aw, my baby is tired?” Zayn coos, gently caressing Niall’s cheek with the back of his knuckles. 

Niall’s heart flutters at Zayn’s words and he can feel his cheeks burn with embarrassment. “Well, you’d be tired too if you’ve been wrecked by your boyfriend.” He mumbles, snuggling closer towards Zayn, and lets out a content sigh when Zayn’s hand starts to rub gently on his sore spine. 

Zayn laughs, before kissing Niall’s temple, and resting his head on top of Niall’s. “Do you think we should tell the lads?” 

Niall hums, and nods. “Yeah, I think we should.” He tells Zayn. “Harry will be back this weekend. And Louis and Liam are in town too.” 

Zayn nods. “Alright, we’ll tell them.” 

Niall opens his eyes slightly, tilting his head up to look at Zayn. “I love Alicia.” 

Zayn stares at him in confusion. “Huh?” 

Niall chuckles. “I mean, I love Alicia as a name for our baby.” 

“Oh,” Zayn says, smiling slightly. “So you think our first kid would be a daughter?” 

Niall smiles, shrugging slightly. “I hope so.” He admits shyly. “But it doesn’t matter though. As long as they’re healthy.”

**************

“Are you guys sure it’s a great idea?” Liam, ever the worrier, asks, as he looks back and forth between Zayn and Niall.

Niall smiles fondly at Liam and nods. “We discussed about it, Liam. We want it, _so_ bad.” Niall insists. He knows Liam is always looking out for their little group, and Niall finds it endearing so he doesn’t mind being interrogate by Liam at the moment. 

“If you guys are sure.” Louis pipes in, and Niall’s eyes shift to look at his other best friend. He smiles happily at the eldest of the group, knowing that Louis is supporting both of his and Zayn’s decision. His smile widens when Harry nods silently, agreeing with Louis. 

Niall feels Zayn’s hand suddenly clasping into his, and he glances to his side to see Zayn is beaming at him. “We’re really sure, guys. We think it’s time to expand our little family.” Zayn tells them and Niall feels Zayn tightens their tangled hands, as to assure him that they are together in this matter. 

The time couldn’t be more perfect. Niall is pretty much feeling bored as hell because he still can’t figure out on what to do after they decided to put the band in a hiatus. And for Niall, the prospect of having a baby to take care of, is exciting. 

Niall looks at Liam again, as he knows Liam is still looking at them sceptically. “We’re happy about this decision. We’ve been thinking about this for these past few weeks and we’re ready.” Niall assures, staring at Liam. 

Liam’s expression softens after a moment, and Niall holds his breath, waiting for Liam’s response. “Okay, you know I love both of you. Whatever makes you guys happy, then I’m happy too.” 

Niall’s heart can almost burst from happiness at the moment. He’s glad that at least their best friends are supporting his decision with Zayn. 

“So, who’s going to be the surrogate mother?” Harry asks curiously. 

Niall turns his head to look at his boyfriend, before he nods, gesturing for Zayn to answer the question. He knows that question is inevitable. 

Zayn smiles at Niall, before he speaks up. “Emily, my childhood friend. She wants to try her luck in the city, but she doesn’t really has much money to start with. So we made an agreement to help each other out. She’s willing to help us, and I’ll give her some money for her to start her new life later on.” He explains. 

Niall nods after Zayn finishes, as to confirm Zayn’s words. He watches Harry’s expression, though he fails to read anything from the other guy at the moment. Harry is usually on board with his idea, but that doesn’t mean that Niall doesn’t want to hear Harry’s opinion too. 

“And you’re okay with that?” Harry asks, as he stares right into Niall’s eyes, demanding for the honest answer. 

Niall smiles and nods. “Yes. We discussed about it.” He tells Harry, and he is about to continue when suddenly Liam starts to speak up. 

“Why don’t you guys just adopt? Isn’t that the same thing?” 

Niall opens his mouth to answer but Zayn is quick to reply. “It’s different, Liam. We want kids with our genetics.” 

Niall nods, agreeing with his boyfriend. After all, that was what they had agreed together. He leans to his right side, as he feels Zayn is wrapping his arm around him. 

Liam nods, clearing his throat before he continues. “So, you both…” He trails off, unsure on how to ask the question, but his red-faced cheeks might have given away the clue about what is the exact question that he wants to ask. 

Niall grins. “We’re using Zayn’s sperm for the first one.” He says, blushing slightly as he tells his friends about that piece of information. 

Louis’s eyes widen and he starts to grin cheekily at both Niall and Zayn. “Aw, you guys are planning to have more kids? Not even before the first one is out yet? That’s so sweet.” Louis teases. 

Zayn snorts, shaking his head at his friend’s antic and Niall’s face turns into shades of red from embarrassment. “Shut up, Louis.” Niall grumbles. 

Louis cackles out loud, earning a few glares from the nearby tables in the restaurant. “I don’t care how much kids do you guys want, but I want to at least to be a godfather to one.” He says. 

Niall chuckles. “Of course, Louis.” 

Louis sighs. “And here I thought Harry is going to be the first one to have a baby. He was practically adopting every babies that we met during the tour and all. The fans even joked about it.”

“Heyyyy!” Harry whines and everyone laughs.

**************

Niall scrunches his nose at the smell of medicine as they step into the clinic. Zayn throws him a small smile, as if he notices on how nervous Niall is feeling at the moment.

To be honest, Niall _is_ nervous. Talking about the process to surrogate the baby was easy, but to actually going through the process, is actually nerve wrecking. 

“You’re alright?” Zayn asks, and Niall startles from his stupor, glancing to his left, and he nods at Zayn. 

“Just a little bit nervous.” Niall tells his boyfriend. 

“Fuck, yeah, tell me about it.” Emily pipes in from behind them and Niall chuckles, before turning around to face her. 

“Thank you for doing this, Em. You don’t know how much we appreciate this.” Niall says, and Emily’s face breaks into a smile, before pulling Niall into her hug briefly. 

“Yeah, we had a deal, I don’t mind. You guys are helping me a lot too.” 

Niall smiles at her, before they proceed to the waiting area at the clinic. He watches as Emily starts to sit and sighs heavily as she looks at the vending machine near the chair. He knows how much that girl loves the coffee, and he got that impression by the first week when she came to live with him and Zayn. She’s cool, bubbly and pretty much have the same interests as Niall and he likes her. 

Niall had a thought that maybe their first meeting would be awkward, as Zayn never introduced or talked about Emily to him before that, but the meeting ended up great. And now since they are all living together, upon Niall and Zayn’s insistence because they have more than enough rooms to occupy and it would be easier to take care of her during her pregnancy, Niall can’t help but feel happy that they all get along well. 

“Niall?” Zayn calls out and Niall startles out of his reverie. 

“Yeah?” 

“It’s our turn now.” Zayn says, standing up from the chair. Niall follows his lead, and they both wait for Emily to come too. 

She smiles at both of them. “It’s time to get pregnant, guys. Let’s make a baby!” She says, whooping slightly, and Niall lets out a loud laugh. 

Niall hopes that everything is going to be easy for them.

**************

Niall sighs for umpteenth time. He checks his phone again, frowning slightly as he notices the time. He’s already late and he can see a string of messages from Liam, asking where the hell he and Zayn are.

He types his reply, apologize to his friends about the lateness. Somehow, Niall feels bad to make people waiting for him. It’s just not in his nature and he always tries his best to be as punctual as he can. Niall stands up from the couch, ready to climb the stairs to call for Zayn when suddenly his boyfriend emerges from the top of the stairs, stepping down towards him. 

“I thought you were changing your clothes?” Niall asks in confusion as he looks at Zayn, who is still in the same clothes as an hour before. 

Zayn shrugs casually. “I was about to, but then Emily started to puke so I helped her.” 

“Oh.” Niall says simply. “You could call me to help, you know.”

“I know, but it was out of the sudden.” Zayn explains. 

Niall nods understandingly, glancing at the watch on his hand again. “We’re late. Liam was asking about us already.” 

Zayn sighs. “I don’t think I can make it, Niall.” 

Niall blinked his eyes, staring at his boyfriend. “What do you mean you can’t make it?” 

“I think I’ll stay home. Emily keeps puking, and I think someone needs to watch over her.” Zayn tells Niall. 

“Oh.” Niall says, trying so hard to hide his disappointment. He wants to point out to Zayn that it’s his birthday night, and it’d be nice if they join the dinner that Harry had helped organized at the restaurant. But when he looks at Zayn, noticing on how tired his boyfriend is, Niall suddenly feels guilty for being selfish. 

“How’s Em doing?” Niall asks instead. 

Zayn sighs heavily. “Still the same. But she’s napping now.”

“I can stay.” Niall offers. “I’m sure they won’t mind if we skip the dinner. They’d understand.” 

Zayn shakes his head, looking at Niall wearily. “I feel bad if both of us don’t turn up. They already made a reservation and all.” He tells Niall. “You should go.” 

“But-“

“No but, Niall. I can take care of Em by myself.” Zayn says, cutting Niall off before he has a chance to argue on his point. 

Part of Niall wants to go, because he hates to disappoint his friends, and it’s been awhile since he’s last seen the other three, but part of him wants to stay too. Except that it’s clearly that Zayn doesn’t want him to, so Niall reluctantly nods. “Okay, then. I’ll go alone.”

**************

“Little Nialler!” Liam bellows excitedly as soon as Niall reaches their table at the restaurant. Niall rolls his eyes, as he slides down on the next seat beside Louis.

“You do know that I’m not little anymore, right?” Niall asks, looking at Liam. 

Liam shrugs, just grinning at him. “You’re still little to me.” He retorts, and Niall can’t help but shaking his head fondly. He’ll never get out of it anyway. 

“Where’s Zayn?” Louis asks. 

“He can’t make it.” Niall answers casually and before Louis can ask more question, the waitress comes over, ready to take their order. 

“What do you mean Zayn can’t make it?” Harry asks once the waitress leaves, and Niall can feel the eyes of his three best friends are staring right at him. 

“Emily’s sick. So he’s taking care of her.” Niall explains. 

Liam lets out a small, “oh,” and nodding understandingly. 

Harry sighs. “I feel like I barely see Zayn lately. Especially for these past few months.” He points out. 

Niall shrugs silently, sipping on the plain water in the glass in front of him. Louis doesn’t comment anything and it irks Niall a little. So, he glances to his left, and he feels himself cowers slightly when he sees the unrecognizable look in Louis’s eyes. “What?” 

“It’s your birthday dinner.” Louis points out, leaving it at that without any further words. 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “So?” He asks nonchalantly. 

“It’s your birthday dinner.” Louis repeats. “And it’s our tradition to celebrate it.” Louis points out, his tone unimpressed and Niall can see that the older guy is slightly mad at the fact that Zayn is not with them at the moment. 

“This year is different, Louis. We have another person to take care of. And she’s sick. I don’t want to be a bother though.” Niall says. 

“But,” Liam trails off, and Niall knows he is about to say something that he’s scared would tick Niall off. “Can’t anyone else take care of her? I mean-,”

“Emily is Zayn’s friends, she’s more comfortable around him.” Niall quips, his tone sharp and he knows he sounds a little bit harsh but he just can’t help it. It’s what he tells himself over and over again when Emily seems to favor Zayn’s presence instead of him when she’s sick. 

“But it’s your birthday.” Harry pipes in, and Niall sighs heavily. 

“It’s just a freaking birthday, okay?” Niall says and the other three must have noticed how agitated he feels at the moment as they all go quiet. “Sorry.” Niall mumbles quietly, glancing down at his glass, tracing his fingertip on the edge of the glass, staring at it silently, and completely missing the worried glances that the other three are exchanging between them. 

Liam clears his throat, breaking the silence, and Niall glances up to look at him. “What do you say if we go to celebrate your glorious 25th years old at the club after this?” He says, smiling at Niall mischievously. 

Niall can’t help but smile back, nodding at his friend. “Sounds good.” He says, and it seems to make the situation less tense than before when Louis starts to tease Liam about his habit of clubbing. 

The dinner is great, and Niall is grateful that his friends can clear out their schedules just to celebrate his birthday, but the only person that Niall _really_ want to celebrate with, is not there with him. He tries not to feel bitter about it, trying to enjoy the dinner instead. 

Niall pulls out his phone from his pocket at some point, hoping that Zayn will text him. He frowns a bit when there is not even a single text from Zayn, asking how the dinner is. 

“Bro, you okay?” Harry asks from across the table and Niall startles slightly, pushing his phone back into his pocket, and glancing up, mustering a smile at his friend. 

“I’m fine.” Niall says, even when he’s not. “So, which club are you guys taking me after this?”

**************

The floor is spinning, or maybe it’s just the head, either way, Niall grunts slightly when he feels the impending headache in his head as he tries his best to maneuver his way towards the stairs.

“Niall?”

Niall swirls around and groans when he realizes it’s a big mistake and doesn’t help to ease the thump in his head at all. He squints his eyes, trying to look at Zayn under the sudden bright light when Zayn switches on the light in the hallway. 

“Zayn, hi.” Niall says, smiling at his boyfriend, but Zayn doesn’t smile back.

“Are you drunk?” Zayn asks, looking at Niall unimpressed.

“A little bit.” Niall wants to lie, but he knows Zayn won’t buy it. It’s freaking obvious apparently. 

Zayn huffs, shaking his head. “You’re making so much noise. Emily just went to sleep. I don’t want her to wake up.” 

_Ouch, that hurts_ , Niall thinks to himself. “Sorry.” He says out loud.

Zayn sighs, still staring at Niall. “Why are you drunk anyway? Weren’t you guys just supposed to go for dinner?” 

Niall shrugs. “Went to the club after party.” For my birthday, he wants to add. 

“Seriously? And then you went and got yourself drunk when you’re not supposed to?” 

“But you’re the one who told me to go meet them!” Niall argues. 

“Yeah, but not to get drunk!” 

Niall’s feet wobbles slightly, as his head is spinning worse than before, and he’s using the wall to lean his hand, trying to steady his swaying body. “Why does it matter? It’s not unusual that we got drunk after we met them.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “It matters because instead of taking care of one sick person, now I have to take care of the drunk one too.” Zayn huffs angrily. “Why are you being so irresponsible right now?”

Niall’s heart drops, feeling like someone has punched his gut as soon as he hears Zayn’s words. He knows Zayn can be short-tempered sometimes but it was never directed to him. Ever. But this is worst. He can hear the disappointment in Zayn’s tone and somehow it is _much_ worse than being yelled at. Niall would rather be yelled at instead of getting a cold shoulder by Zayn, like he is getting at the moment.

Niall bites his lips. “Well, I’m sorry it’s such a burden for you to take care of me.” He quips. 

“You know what? I’m tired and I can’t even deal with you right now.” Zayn says, already starting to walk away, but not before, “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.” Zayn doesn’t say anything else after that, just shaking his head, not even looking at Niall as he walks out of the hallway, heading to the direction to their guest room. 

Niall watches Zayn’s retreating figure, suddenly feeling a lot more sober, at the sudden realization that Zayn didn’t even wish him a happy birthday.

**************

It’s the next day, when Niall gets his “Happy Birthday” wish from Zayn and Niall doesn’t make a fuss of it. If he’s hurt by the late wish from Zayn’s part, he shoves it deep down, because after all, it’s just a birthday, right? He lets it slide. They’re adults, it’s not something that’s worth fighting for.

**************

“Hey, morning.” Niall greets when he enters the kitchen, finding Zayn hunching over the stool, reading the newspaper. He moves towards the coffee maker, putting down the cup and waits until the coffee pours out and fills in the cup. “I was thinking, what do you say if we’re going to the park today? I feel like it’s been forever since we have picnic at the park. Emily can join too, you know, getting some fresh air and all.”

Zayn glances up from his reading, adjusting his glasses, as he shakes his head at Niall. “Nah, I can’t. I promised Em that we’re going to shop for some baby stuff today.” 

Niall’s spirit drops a bit. “Oh. I didn’t know that.” He says quietly. 

Zayn stares at Niall, raising his eyebrows. “I told you before.” 

“You did? But I-“

“We did, Niall.” Zayn says and sighs heavily. 

Niall gets the feeling again, the feeling like he has letting Zayn down. But he’s for sure can’t remember when Zayn has said that. “When are you guys going?” Niall asks instead. 

“After I've finish this, I think.” Zayn says, gesturing to his breakfast. “Doesn’t want to get caught up with traffic.” 

Niall nods, leaning against the counter and facing Zayn, sipping on his coffee before he speaks up again. “Okay. I can drive.” 

Zayn shakes his head, sighing again. “Niall, don’t you remember about the smell thing.”

And, _oh_. How come Niall has forgotten about that? Apparently, Niall can’t be around Emily much because she can’t stand the smell of him. They have tried their best to make sure that she can stand it, but she just can’t. Sometimes even when Niall doesn’t even wear anything that smells, she refuses to be around him because it makes her feels nauseated. 

At first, Niall was self-conscious about it but when they went to the clinic, the doctor had told them that it’s a normal thing for pregnant people. It’s incredibly common, the doctor told them. Usually it’d happen during the first trimester but it can be longer than that, depends on the person. 

Niall admits he reads a lot about pregnancy thing, and his mom helps him a lot too about the input, even Zayn’s mom helps to guide them in dealing with pregnancy woman. So for every mood swing that Emily has, Niall was prepared for it. But it seems like Zayn is handling it better than Niall. 

“Do you think I won’t be a good dad?” Niall blurts out. It has been plaguing his mind, the tiny little voice back in his head, that doubting whether he is capable of being a good father. 

Zayn stares at Niall like he has lost his mind. “What are you talking about? The baby isn’t even born yet.”

“Yes, but-“

“No but.” Zayn says firmly, cutting Niall off. “Why are you being so childish lately?”

Niall shakes his head in frustration. “I’m not being childish.” He argues. “I’m just asking. Why? Is it _that_ hard to talk about my feeling with you now?” 

Zayn sighs. “Look, I don’t have time for this, okay? I’m tired, and I’m stressed about my next exhibition and I don’t need to add _this_ on top of the list. I’ve got enough on my plate to deal with.” 

“I see. So now you’re too busy to make time for me?” Niall quips, and he can feel his eyes start to prickle with tears of frustration. “I just want to talk to you, god damn it, how hard it is for us to sit down and talk for a few minutes?” 

“But right now is not a good time!” Zayn snaps, his voice loud and Niall cowers slightly. 

“Zayn, I’m ready.” Emily shouts from the front door and Niall watches as Zayn starts to stand up, walking over towards him, and Niall backs away slightly. 

“Look, I’m sorry, okay?” Zayn says, his voice softens as he cups Niall’s face with his hand. “I’m just-,” Zayn trails off, before he sighs. “It’s just there’s a lot of things happening at the moment, okay? When I’m free, then we’ll talk, okay?” 

Niall nods silently, refuses to stare at Zayn because he’s afraid that he’ll end up crying in frustration. He pushes Zayn’s hands away from his face, before he turns around, his back to Zayn. “Okay.” 

“Look, if you want to go to the park, then go. I’m going out anyway. Maybe clear air is what we need right now.” Zayn says and Niall hears his footsteps walking away from the kitchen. 

Niall doesn’t even realize how tight he clasps his hand on the edge of the kitchen counter, trying to calm himself down.

**************

There aren’t too many people at the park when Niall arrives. He walks towards his favourite spot, nearby the lake and sits down on the grass, glancing at his surroundings. Maybe Zayn was right, maybe what they need is a fresh air to clear their minds.

Niall smiles slightly when he sees some people with their picnic mats, enjoying the weather and his mind can’t help but to remember on how he had always spending his time with Zayn at the park. They didn’t get to do that in the earlier stage of their relationship when they were still in the band, but when they started to settle down, they spent a lot of their time in leisure, especially at the park. 

Most of the time they just went for small picnic, just the two of them, laying on the mat, and staring at the sky, relishing the moment. Niall loves that time the most, where he lay his head on Zayn’s chest, and Zayn would always play with his hair, talking about everything. Niall likes it when he can feel the vibration on Zayn’s chest when he’s talking to Niall. 

Niall likes listening to Zayn’s talking voice. He’s so fascinated by Zayn’s stories and all of his thoughts. It has been obvious since the beginning of their friendship which soon turned into a relationship. And if someone points out how Niall is quiet around Zayn, he doesn’t mind that. He prefers listening to Zayn. 

And that’s when Niall realizes that it has been a while since he listens to Zayn’s talking. He doesn’t even know what’s happening now. It’s not like they haven’t _talk_ at all, but it’s all different now. 

Niall’s heart clenches. 

He misses that. He misses their moments. 

But most of all, he misses Zayn.

**************

“Niall, are you okay?”

Niall glances up from his guitar, blinking at Harry. “What?” He asks confusingly. 

Harry stares at Niall for a moment, leaning against the entrance of his living room, before he moves, taking a seat on the couch in front of Niall. “Are you okay? You’re looking so down lately.” Harry points out. “Is everything alright at home?” 

Niall thinks he should be surprised by the question, but really he isn’t. Harry can be quite observant sometimes and Niall isn’t surprised if his friend is picking up on his state lately. Niall debates with himself, contemplating on whether he should tell Harry about what is happening lately with his relationship and Zayn. Part of him doesn’t want to, because after all it’s his own relationship and he wants to keep it private, like he always does. But part of Niall wants to tell Harry about it, about how bad the thing is at home lately. But what is the right way to tell Harry, that with every day that passes, Niall can feel like Zayn is slipping further away from him? 

So, he lies, “I’m fine.” 

Harry looks at him sceptically. “Louis and Liam noticed it too.” Harry points out. “You would tell us if anything happens, right?” 

Niall nods, a little bit touched on how concern his friends are towards him. “Everything’s fine, Harry.” He says, throwing a small smile at him, and trying his best not to look as miserable as he feels. 

Harry hums, still staring at Niall, like he’s contemplating whether he wants to believe the answer or not, and Niall leans back against the couch, putting down his guitar. 

“Seriously, Harry. Everything’s fine.” Niall insists. 

It takes a moment, before Harry finally nods. “If you say so, I believe you.” He tells Niall, and Niall could hug his best friend for being so understanding. “As long as the baby is fine too.” 

Niall chuckles slightly, shaking his head. “Your fascination with the baby though.” He points out.

Harry shrugs, grinning widely at Niall. “I just love them.”

Niall nods. “Of course you do. I bet if you’re not busy working your ass off as one of the hit songwriters out there, you’d probably have adopted dozen of kids over here.” 

Harry laughs, and nods. “That’s probably true.” He admits truthfully. 

“Speaking about the baby,”

“What about it?” Harry asks quickly. “I thought you said everything’s fine?” 

Niall blinks his eyes, staring at Harry. “Would you ever let me finish?” He teases, and laughs when Harry nods and smiles at him sheepishly. “Okay, see the thing is, Emily is approaching 32 weeks next week. I’m thinking of throwing a surprise baby shower for her. Do you think it’s a good idea?” 

Niall watches as Harry’s eyes gleaming, and he’s beaming at Niall. “I think that’s a brilliant idea.” 

Niall’s smile goes bigger than before and his foul mood dissipates slightly.

**************

“Tell me again why I’m here with you. I thought Harry is your partner-in-crime in this plan?”

Niall grins at Doniya, as the woman is standing in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest and Niall knows there’s no heat in that question as she’s smiling slightly at him. 

“That’s true. But he has a last minute meeting that he has to attend.” Niall tells her. “And so, here we are.” 

Doniya raises her eyebrows at Niall. “So, I’m the last choice, huh?” 

Niall chuckle, shaking his head. “No, you’re my savior.” He says. “Harry is useless at this thing. I can’t take him to shop baby stuff with me.” He adds, before he pulls Doniya into a side hug and leading both of them towards the middle area of the baby store. 

“And why is that, Mr. Horan?” Doniya asks, walking along with Niall, poking his cheek like she used to since they’ve known each other way back. _”He’s cute like a furby,”_ Niall remembers the exact words that Doniya had told Zayn when Zayn introduced Niall to his family for the first time. 

“I went with him to buy the necessities for his bunny, and you know what? He almost bought the whole store.” Niall says, shaking his head fondly as he recalls the memory. “Imagine how much worse that it would be if he’s allowed to shop for a baby.”

Doniya laughs out loud, shaking her head. “It’s like the pot calling the kettle black, Niall. You and Zayn are spoiling the baby too. Even before she is born.” She points out, moving away from Niall’s arm and heading towards the toys shelf. 

Niall follows her trail, picking some toys along the way. “Well, you should’ve seen Zayn then. I think most of his time was used to paint the baby room like it’s his most important job ever.” 

“Where is he anyway?” Doniya asks and Niall can hear the curious tone in her voice. 

“He’s at home. One of us need to look after Em, you know.” Niall explains.

Doniya nods understandingly. “I see.” She says shortly, as they continue to walk through the kids section. “You know, when I first heard about the decision to choose her as the surrogate mother, I was quite sceptical. But when Zayn said that you were okay with it, then I thought, why would I bother?” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Why should I not be okay? I think she’s a good girl. I like her and I’m glad that she’s friend with Zayn.” 

Doniya shrugs, and Niall stares at her back, as she keeps picking up the things from the shelf, not looking at Niall. “I don’t know. I was sceptical because you know what people always said about still being friends with your ex. Let alone having one carrying your child with your new boyfriend.” 

The time seems to stop as soon as the words left Doniya’s mouth and Niall can’t believe his ears. Emily is Zayn’s ex-girlfriend and Zayn didn’t even tell Niall about that fact. Neither of them had told him and Niall doesn’t know on how he should feel at the moment. He’s too shocked, and he stops walking, almost dropping the things that he’s holding in his hand. 

Doniya seems to notice his silence as she turns around. “Niall?” She calls out and Niall knows that his expression must’ve looked horrible to her as she gasps. “Oh my god, you didn’t know.”

Niall is at loss, trying his best to reply but he can’t. Doniya steps closer towards him, gripping his arms. “Niall, I’m so sorry. I thought you knew.” She says, apologizing. 

Niall shakes his head, trying to get out of the ringing voices in his head. _Zayn and Emily used to be together._ “No, it’s okay.” 

Doniya looks at him sceptically. “Are you sure? Niall, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to tell you like this. In fact, I’m not the one who should even tell you this.” 

Niall forces a smile, trying to act normal and calms his rapidly beating heart. He tells himself that it’s okay, it’s normal to still be friends with an ex, right? 

“It’s okay, Doniya.” Niall assures, not wanting the woman to feel bad about her mistake. In fact, it wasn’t even a mistake to begin with. It’s just something that Niall was never told about. “I guess I’ll just have to ask him later.”

**************

Niall doesn’t ask Zayn about it.

But he’s more aware of everything Zayn and Emily do. He hates how the things have become lately. He hates that he’s turning into someone that he doesn’t recognize anymore. 

But he can’t pretend that he’s not hurt by the way Zayn is always putting Emily over him, and he tries to be understanding, but it still stings when Zayn always brushes him off. 

Niall ignores it though and still putting up a happy face in front of them. Whenever he sees Emily’s protruding stomach, he reminds himself that it’d be all worth it. All he can do is to be patient.

**************

Niall peeks through the curtains, barely holding his nervousness and excitement as he watches Zayn and Emily are walking towards the door. He pushes down the slight pang in his chest when he sees how gentle Zayn is with Emily, and has to remind himself over and over again that Emily is the heavily pregnant woman and Zayn is doing what he always does, protecting people around him.

“Guys, they’re close.” Niall announces as he turns around, before he moves towards the door. “Surprise!” A chorus of voices exclaim once Zayn and Emily step into the house. 

Both of their eyes widen and while Zayn is looking confused, Emily is squealing with delight when she sees the big banner that hangs on the living room. 

“What is this?” Emily asks, staring at Niall, with a big smile on her face and Niall can’t help but smile back.

“Baby shower. For you.” Niall says and Emily’s smile widens, and she leans in to hug Niall, as far as she can with her bulging stomach. 

“This is so great. Thank you!” Emily says once they pull away and Niall smiles at her, shrugging slightly. By that time, everyone else has moving on to the foods table, leaving the three of them alone. 

“Just want to celebrate you and the baby.” Niall says. “I hope it’s okay. I don’t invite too many people, just some friends and families.” 

Emily shakes her head. “Of course it’s okay.” She exclaims excitedly. “I spy a little cake on the table, so I’m going to eat that now.” She says, smiling, before she walks towards the table. Or most likely waddles her way to the table. 

Niall watches her retreating figure, before he feels Zayn’s arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. “Why didn’t I know about this plan?” Zayn asks.

 _Because we rarely talk anymore_ , Niall wants to tell Zayn. But he doesn’t want to ruin the mood, so he just shrugs casually. “You were busy, Zayn. And I was doing nothing, so I figured why not planning something nice for her, right?” Niall tells Zayn, smiling as his eyes catch on the sight of Harry and Emily, with the former trying to talk to the latter’s round belly. 

Zayn says nothing, just nodding slightly and tightening his arm around Niall, and Niall melts into it. He misses this. The intimacy between them. He doesn’t even realize when the intimacy is gone. But he knows it feels like forever since they’ve had the chance to be this close. 

For sure, they have sex here and there but that’s not what Niall always looking forward to lately. He just want to be held and comforted by Zayn and it looks like it rarely happens nowadays. So Niall takes what he can get at the moment. 

“Hey, Zayn.” Niall calls out, tilting his head to his right, to look at his boyfriend. “Remember the discussion about picking up the godfather?”

Zayn nods. “Yeah, I remember that. Why?”

Niall smiles. “I think now is the suitable time to announce it.” 

Zayn smiles back at him. “Yeah, we can do that.” 

The moment they announce who they have picked as the godfather, Louis whines loudly while Liam shaking his head at Louis in amusement. Harry on the other hand, is leaping towards both of them, hugging them tightly. “I love you! I love you! I love you! Thank you!” 

And Niall couldn’t stop smiling. For once, after a few months, Niall’s heart feels a little bit lighter and happier.

**************

Niall should’ve known that his happiness won’t always last forever.

The party has been going on for two hours and it’s during the games that everything has gone wrong. Emily accidentally tripped over one of the balloons on the floor and almost toppling over, and she would if Zayn doesn’t catch her body quickly. 

Niall’s eyes widen, as he approaches both of them. “Em, are you okay?” He asks worriedly, trying to help her but Zayn glares at him and Niall halts his steps midway. 

“I’m fine. I just didn’t see where I was walking. Maybe I’m just tired.” Emily says, smiling slightly at Niall and he can’t help but feeling guilty as he notices the exhaustion on her face. How come he didn’t notice it earlier? 

“I’m sorry. I’ll tell them to clear out.” Niall apologizes. 

Emily smiles at Niall. “It’s okay. Think I’m just going to rest in the room now.” She says gently, still smiling at him. “Thank you for the party, Niall. It was lovely.” 

Niall nods. “You’re welcome.” He says before he steps closer towards Emily and Zayn. “Let me help you too.”

“I think you _helped_ enough, Niall.” Zayn snaps and Niall freezes, while Emily’s eyes are darting between both of them. 

“Zayn, it’s okay. I’m fine.” Emily says gently, and Niall really appreciate that she’s trying to be nice towards him. But Zayn on the other hand, is still glaring at him.

Niall swallows a big lump in his throat when Zayn just ignores him and starts to lead Emily towards her room, leaving Niall standing alone, watching their retreating figures with a heavy heart.

**************

“Has everyone gone?” Zayn asks, as soon as he enters the kitchen. Niall nods, picking up the plastic cups from the table and putting those things into a garbage plastic. He puts the plastic on the floor, before straightening up, looking at Zayn.

“How’s Em?” Niall asks. 

“Resting.” Zayn replies shortly, his back to Niall as he grabs the cup and fills it with water. 

Silence falls between them and Niall clears his throat after a moment, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes, and Zayn turns around to face him. 

“You should.” Zayn says. “You should know better that she was tired from all of the appointments yet you were throwing her a party.” 

Niall sighs. “But it was just a small one. And I didn’t think-,“

“Exactly, you didn’t think!” Zayn snaps. 

“What do you mean? I was just trying to be nice! Is it wrong to celebrate her for her pregnancy? You seemed okay with it!” 

Zayn huffs, putting down his glass on the stool, making a loud noise. “Because you already planned it and I didn’t want to make a fuss in front of other people!” He yells. “But you need to think about her condition too, what if something happens to my child!?”

As soon as the words left Zayn’s lips, something inside Niall snaps. His normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly change and his face contorts in anger. He closes his hands into fists, trying to refrain himself for punching something, or rather someone. “ _We_ decided to raise a baby, _we_ were in this together, and now suddenly it’s _your_ child?” Niall yells back. “I thought it was _our_ child. I guess I was just wrong, huh?” 

Zayn sighs heavily. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

Niall laughs humourlessly, shaking his head. “So what did you mean, Zayn, huh?” Niall asks. He’s so angry that he can feel the tears of frustration start to well up in his eyes. All his frustrations and bitterness that have been buried for months are threatening to come out and he doesn’t think he can stop those feelings now. 

“Everything that I do is never good enough for you, right?” Niall says, as tears start to slip out from his eyes and he wipes it away angrily. Angry at Zayn for making him feels like this, angry at himself for crying in front of Zayn, but most of all, angry that they’re caught up in this situation, this argument.

Zayn seems to notice that he had made a mistake by saying those words and he moves forward, trying to grab Niall’s arm but Niall backs away, shaking his head. 

“I know Emily was your ex-girlfriend.” Niall blurts out. 

“What? How-“

Niall shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter how.” He snaps. “Do you think I’m stupid, Zayn? Huh? How come you never told me about that?” 

“Because it’s not important.”

“It’s important to me!” Niall yells. “How do you feel if _my_ ex-girlfriend is carrying _my_ child?” 

Zayn shakes his head, and Niall can see how Zayn is starting to get frustrated with him but he doesn’t care. He’s had enough of being brushed off for these past few months and he doesn’t think he can hold it anymore. 

“It’s nothing like that. You’re overreacting.” Zayn quips. 

“Nothing?! How would you feel if it is Amy who’s carrying our child, huh? How would you feel? Put yourself in my shoes, Zayn. How would you feel if every single day you have to see your boyfriend, getting closer towards his ex-girlfriend rather than his _own_ boyfriend?” 

“I don’t-,” 

“Yes, you do!” Niall’s voice boomed through the kitchen, startling Zayn slightly. “You know what, I can’t believe you. Not after that. I thought we’re supposed to share important things together.” He says, before adding, “I don’t even think I know you anymore.” 

“Niall-,“ Zayn trails off, grabbing Niall’s hand, but Niall yanks his hand away, shaking his head. He spins on his heels, doesn’t even bother to look back as he strides towards his room.

**************

Niall doesn’t know what is the exact time but it’s a few hours later when Zayn enters the room, closing the door behind him quietly, before he moves towards the bed.

Niall ignores Zayn’s presence, continuing folding his clothes, and putting some into his duffel bag. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn asks, standing at the other side of the bed, glancing between the bag and Niall. 

“I’m staying at Harry’s for a while.” Niall replies. He had a brief thought of not telling Zayn on where he’s planning on going, but he figures Zayn would know sooner or later. And he also doesn’t want Zayn to bother his parents or something. It’s bad enough that Niall’s mom is worrying about how unhappy he has been for the past few months, he doesn’t want to add this on top of the list too. 

“Look, Niall, I’m sorry about earlier.” Zayn starts, and Niall can hear the sincerity in his tone. 

“I’m sorry too.” Niall says, before he continues. “But I can’t do this anymore, Zayn. I’m tired of being pushed around and keep being your second choice.” He says and shakes his head when Zayn is about to say something, shutting Zayn off. “I think we need to be apart. Figure out where our priorities lie.” 

Zayn shakes his head, starting to walk around the bed, reaching closer towards Niall. “What do you mean by that?” 

Niall sighs heavily, zipping up the bag, before he glances up to stare at Zayn. “What I mean, Zayn, I don’t know where your priority lies nowadays. When was the last time we spent a moment together, just the two of us?” 

“But Em is pregnant, and she needs-,”

“But she’s not a freaking invalid, Zayn!” Niall hisses, before he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. He had lost enough energy earlier, yelling and fighting with Zayn. All he feels now are tired and exhausted. He’s draining physically and emotionally.

“I know she’s pregnant, Zayn. I know she needs attention and care, but that doesn’t mean _you_ are the only one who can give her those things. I can help too, even Doniya offered to help since she’s living nearby, but you, you refused. You put her first before everything, and to be honest, I don’t know how to feel about that. It feels like there’s a distance between us that keep getting deeper days by days.” Niall tells Zayn, trying his best to control his emotion and he refuses to cry in front of Zayn again. “All we do is fighting lately. I’m _tired._ I’m tired of feeling like this. I think we need a break from each other. I can’t,” Niall pauses, taking a deep breath before he continues, “I can’t do this anymore.” 

“But Niall, I love you.”

“Don’t.” Niall says shaking his head. “Don’t simply throw around those words if you don’t mean it.” He says, pausing slightly. “Don’t simply say those words because to me, right now, it sounds more like an apology and consolation and I can’t accept that, Zayn. Not anymore.” He smiles wetly at Zayn, lips wobbly and with a heavy heart, he continues. “Goodbye, Zayn.”

**************

Niall’s heart aching. He doesn’t even realize how he ends up standing in front of Harry’s house, but he knows he must’ve been looking like hell because Harry’s smile when he opens the door suddenly vanishes as he takes on Niall’s appearance. Niall knows he looks ridiculous with his jumper and sweatpants, his hair is a mess and his eyes feels heavy and puffy because of the crying that he has done in the car.

Harry pulls Niall inside, reaching for Niall’s bag, putting it down on the floor, before starting to pull Niall into a tight hug. “What happened?” Harry asks, voice laced with worry. 

Niall melts into the hug, burying his face on Harry’s crook of neck. “I broke up with Zayn.” 

Harry pulls away slightly, although his hands are still enveloping Niall, not wanting to let Niall go as he searches for Niall’s eyes. “What do you mean you broke up with Zayn?” He asks in a high pitch voice, and if Niall doesn’t feel so sad at the moment, he’d probably tease Harry about it. 

“I can’t-,” Niall trails off, blinking back his tears, not wanting to cry anymore. He’s so tired and drained and Harry seems to notice that, nodding understandingly. Niall lets Harry guides him towards the guest room, and drops himself on the bed. Harry tucks Niall in, leaning down to kiss Niall’s temple gently, like they used to do to each other on the road when someone was upset.

**************

“You’ll be okay, right?” Harry asks for umpteenth times, and Niall rolls his eyes, throwing some chips on his plate towards his friend.

“I’m not a kid, you idiot. I think I can handle living alone thank you very much.” Niall retorts, earning a loud chuckle from Harry. He moves towards Niall, stealing some chips from Niall’s plate as he shrugs. 

“I’m just worried, you know me, I’m the official mother hen.” Harry self-proclaim and Niall smiles at him. 

“Thank you, Harry. For everything.” Niall says gently. “I don’t know how I would survive without you.” 

Harry nods, before putting his arm on Niall’s shoulder, pulling him into a one-armed hug. “It’s okay, Niall. You can ask me for help anytime, okay?” 

Niall nods. “Deal.” He says, feeling so grateful that he has a friend like Harry, who didn’t ask much when Niall told him that he was the one who asked for a break from Zayn. Harry just listened when Niall ran down the story the next morning after he ended up at Harry’s door. It’s been a week and even though Niall received strings of messages and missed calls from Zayn, he still doesn’t have the heart and strength to reply to any one of those. 

And Harry has been so supportive, not taking any sides and let Niall to take his own time to let the thing sink in. To let the fact that he had broken up with Zayn. _He_ was the one who decided to take a break from Zayn. 

“So,” Harry says suddenly, startling Niall from his reverie and he watches as Harry starts to move towards the door. “I’d just be going for three to four days, I guess.” 

Niall nods, “You told me that, Harry.” He points out. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m just worried about Chubby Bunny.” 

“Chibby, you mean?” Niall teases and Harry rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t change her name, Niall. She’ll be confused.” Harry whines and Niall swears he can see Harry stomps his feet slightly in protest. 

Niall chuckles slightly. “I know how to take care of her, Harry. Don’t worry. It’s not my first time with Chibby. Gosh, you’re being ridiculous.” 

Harry grins, shrugging slightly, hands on the doorknob, ready to leave. “I’ll see you when I’ll see you!”

**************

"Hi there, Chibby." Niall crouches down, kneeling on the floor and scoops the bunny from her spot. “You’ve gotten so big.” He coos, before picking up the bunny, bringing her with him to the couch. He cradles the bunny close to his chest, petting her fur gently. “You’re not smelling too good, Chibby. I think we need a bath later.”

_"What do you mean you gave Chibby a bath?" Zayn asked confusingly from behind Niall as they were sitting in the bathtub. "I thought bunny can't have a bath?"_

_Niall leaned back against Zayn, squirming slightly when Zayn started to bite his baring neck gently. "What I mean is, I gave her a bath earlier. Do you know that we can’t submerge the bunny in the bathtub like human? I had to use warm water in the spray bottle, and also spray the rabbit shampoo on it. Then I massaged her in, and brushed her fur with the grooming brush before drying her with a soft towel."_

_Zayn stared at Niall with a raising eyebrows. "Oh, yeah, thanks for the lesson, Mr. Bunny 101."_

_Niall laughed, elbowing Zayn slightly as he shook his head. "It felt nice, you know? It felt like I was bathing a baby. She was so tiny, so quiet, _so_ delicate."_

_"I hate to break this to you, but I don't think a baby uses rabbit shampoo for bathing." Zayn teased._

_Niall pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know what I meant! I thought we agreed that practice makes perfect or whatsoever."_

_Zayn laughed, wrapping his arms around Niall's waist and stomach, pulling Niall closer towards him. "I know. I was just joking." He told Niall. "I can't wait till I can see you giving our own baby a bath."_

_Niall blushed, sighing contently as he put his hands atop of Zayn’s on his stomach and leaned against his boyfriend. "I can't wait too."_

Niall closes his eyes, trying to get rid of the memory but the more he tries to do it, the more memories keep whirling inside his mind. 

_"Are you done?" Niall whined, too tired to hold Chibby against his cheek._

_Zayn glanced up from his drawing book, shaking his head at Niall. "One more minute, okay?" He said, before glancing back down to his book and continued to draw._

_Niall nodded, and hummed to himself, as he waited until Zayn finished. True to his words, Zayn finally glanced up a few minutes later, with a big grin on his face, "I'm finished."_

_Niall whooped in happiness, putting down the bunny on the mat carefully as Zayn crawled over towards him with his sketchbook in his hand. "Show me, show me," Niall said eagerly, anxious to see the drawing. He loved Zayn's drawings and he loved it even more when Zayn used him as his drawing subject._

_The moment Zayn showed him the drawing, Niall was stunned. He can felt his heart burst out with love and he went speechless. So speechless that he didn’t realize that Zayn was moving closer towards him, waiting for his response._

_"Do you like it?" Zayn asked quietly and Niall glanced up from the drawing, to look at his boyfriend, and he can felt tears started to well up in his eyes. He was just so overwhelmed._

_"Zayn, it’s so beautiful." Niall whispered in awe and Zayn blushed slightly, mumbling a quiet “thank you” to Niall._

_Niall glanced down briefly at the drawing before staring back at his boyfriend. "But,” he trailed off, before he continued. “That's not Chibby?" He asked confusingly._

_Zayn smiled at him, cupping Niall's face with both of his hands. "I know." He said. "I was imagining you with a baby, you know? These past few days I see you with Chibby and I’m smitten. I can totally imagine you, and I, spoiling our baby like we’re spoiling Chibby now. And you, especially, I can’t wait to see you, to build a family with you, to raise our baby together.”_

_Our_ baby.

Tears start to pour out from Niall’s eyes, and he holds the bunny close to his chest. ”When did everything change, Chibby?” 

Niall chokes on his sob. He doesn’t know when and why did everything changed, but it hurts. Niall knows deep down in his heart that he still want to build a family with Zayn. No one else, just Zayn. 

But it’s not the same anymore. Everything is different. His chest heaving as he continues to sob, his heart and head are filled with painful memories and the knowledge that he and Zayn are no longer together. His dream to build a family with Zayn has gone and his heart breaks at the realization. 

Niall doesn’t realize how long he has been crying, but the heavy feeling in his chest is making him starting to wheeze as he cries harder. His breath is coming short and he doesn’t even realize someone is talking to him until he feels the person gently pulling him into a hug. “Shhh, hey, hey, Niall, breathe with me, okay?” 

Niall’s body stills for a moment, but when he recognizes Louis’s voice, he goes slack in Louis’s arms, burying his face on Louis’s chest, trying so hard to stop crying, but the more he tries, the harder it seems to stop as tears continue streaming down his face. Louis continues to rub his back calmly, not saying anything as he lets Niall letting out all of his pent-up emotions. 

“What are you doing here?” Niall’s voice croaks, pulling away from Louis as he feels his tears start to subside, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand before staring at Louis in confusion. 

Louis smiles slightly at Niall, shrugging casually. “We’ll talk later, okay? Let me put this little bunny in her room first and make us cups of tea, then we’ll talk, is that okay?” 

Niall nods, still sniffling, but he agrees. He needs to wash his face too anyway. His eyes feel swollen because of the crying and he feels like such a mess at the moment. He needs to refresh.

**************

“Here.” Louis says, handing Niall a cup of tea when he enters the kitchen.

Niall takes the cup, mumbling a quiet thanks as he sits down on the stool. He wraps his hands around the cup, blowing down the steam lightly. He can feel Louis’s eyes on him as the lad is leaning against the fridge silently, just waiting for Niall to take his own time before they would start to talk. It’s one of the things that they had picked up about each other in the years of their friendship and Niall knows it. 

But when Niall is still stretching the silence, Louis shakes his head and starts to talk instead. “Harry filled me in about the current situation. He was worried about you, saying something about you tend to lost in your own head when you’re alone, and knowing you, I think he was right.”

“Oh.” Niall says simply. He didn’t realise he was that transparent. He thought he manages to hide feelings, but apparently he’s not as successful as he thought. Or maybe Harry is just perceptive. 

Louis is still staring at him, waiting for him to talk and finally, Niall lets out a heavy sigh. "I just-,” pauses, “I miss _him._ "

Louis nods understandingly and Niall sighs again. Before he knows it, he starts to spill the rest of the story to Louis. It’s hard not to, because among all of them, Louis is the one that Niall looks up the most as his older brother. And despite their playful banter, deep down he knows Louis is truly care for everyone. 

“Oh, Niall.” Louis says sympathetically after Niall finishes. 

Niall shrugs. “Am I too clingy? Or am I just too oversensitive?”

Louis laughs, shaking his head at Niall. “You’re always the most sensitive out of all of us, Niall. But that’s not the bad thing. And trust me, you’re not a clingy person. Not at all. You’re one of the most independent persons I’ve ever known, Ever since we started the band.” He says, before moving towards the seat beside Niall and ruffles Niall’s hair briefly before he starts to sit down. “But do you really think that it’s really over? I know it was your decision, and it’s not my place to question it but one thing I can say is, relationships are all about communication.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows at Louis. “What do you mean?” He asks sharply. 

Louis seems to notice Niall’s agitated tone and the older lad raises his arms in surrender. “No, I’m not saying that I’m backing Zayn. But knowing him, I know he can be oblivious sometimes. He’d probably didn’t notice that he had neglected you all of these past few months. And he’s short-tempered too, but sometimes he doesn’t mean what he says when he’s mad.”

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t know, Louis. How could I communicate with him if we can barely talk to each other for more than five minutes?” He asks. “What’s there to communicate if he failed to mention to me that Emily was his ex-girlfriend? How could he forget to mention that _one_ important fact to me? I feel like he betrayed my trust.” He tells Louis. “And how could you stand being the second choice, over and over again?” 

Louis falls into silent, before he sighs heavily. “Both of you are my best friends, you know. All I want is for both of you to be happy. I can’t stand to see either of you being sad.”

Niall hums, staring at the backyard, as he can see from the window over the sink. “You know,” Niall starts. “The saddest thing about this is, I was really excited to have a future together with Zayn, and I’ve imagined all these scenarios in my head about how it would look like and when we were already there, suddenly it was awkward and we both got distant-“, Niall trails off, taking a deep breath before he continues. “And it left me with this crushing feeling and the realization that _that wasn’t how it was supposed to be._ ”

**************

Niall tickles the girl’s feet, making her laugh out loud and squirm on the couch. “No, stop! Stop!” She gasps, tears of laughter streaming down her face and Niall laughs too.

“Safaa, honey, you said you wanted to show Niall your new drawing?” 

Niall looks up from the couch, and his gaze meets with Patricia’s, who’s smiling gently at both of them. Niall releases Safaa’s feet and pulls her hand to sit up. “Show me!” He says eagerly, and the girl nods before she dashes out of the living room. 

Once Safaa leaves, Patricia takes a seat beside Niall, patting his shoulder gently. “Thanks for coming tonight, Niall. It seems like it’s been forever since I last saw you.” 

Niall smiles at the older woman. “Yeah well, who could’ve passed your legendary chicken korma and samosa.” He says cheekily. He’s glad that he decided to come to the house tonight. He almost rejected Patricia’s offer to have dinner at her house, but after some persuasion from Safaa, and a promise from Patricia that Zayn won’t be at the house, Niall agreed. Frankly speaking, he misses the family, and the sisters, especially the youngest one. 

“I’ve heard about what happened.” Patricia says and Niall swallows thickly, knowing full well that the topic is inevitable. He doesn’t say anything, letting Patricia holds his hand, and squeezing it gently, like his own mother always does and Niall’s heart feels a pang of homesickness. “I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you earlier about them. I thought you already knew.” 

Niall nods understandingly. “It’s not your fault.” He insists. 

“I know, but I can’t help but feeling guilty.” Patricia says and Niall smiles at her. 

“You don’t have to feel that way. Plus, the dinner tonight is pretty much a done deal for me to forgive you.” Niall says.

“Just so you know, whether you’re with Zayn or not, you’re always welcome to come here, okay?” Patricia says. “Plus, Safaa will be devastated if her crush won’t come here any longer.” She teases. 

Niall laughs, knowing full well that Patricia had told him about Safaa’s confession. Apparently, the girl had a crush on Niall and wanted to marry him. When Patricia pointed out that she was only twelve years old, Safaa argued that all of her friends had the boys that they liked and some even liked Zayn. So, why can’t she? And when Patricia told him about the story earlier, Niall can’t help but cackled loudly. 

“Speaking about Safaa, I’d probably need to go to the toilet first before she comes back.” Niall says, excusing himself.

It’s on his way back to the living room that Niall freezes, as he hears the familiar voice floats through the living room. 

Zayn’s voice. 

Niall stops dead on his track, before he leans back against the wall, his heart is pounding rapidly.

“I miss him, mum.” Niall hears Zayn says.

“Have you tried to call him?” Patricia asks, and Niall closes his eyes, leaning his head against the wall. 

Yes, Zayn had called but it all went to voicemail because Niall purposely didn’t pick up. 

When he opens his eyes again, he catches the reflection of Zayn and Patricia from the big mirror that is hanging on the wall. They are hugging tightly and he can see on how Patricia is rubbing Zayn’s back in comfort. 

Niall desperately wants to get out of the house, but it means that he has to walk past them. His other choice is leaving through the back door, but it’d be so rude to Patricia to just leave the house like that. So he stays, praying that nobody would notice him until he can excuse himself, without having to face Zayn. He sighs quietly, closing his eyes again. 

“Niall, what are you doing here?” Niall startles, his eyes snap open when he hears Safaa’s loud voice. He glances toward his right, and of course the girl is looking at him in confusion. He musters a smile, trying to slow down his rapidly beating heart. Before he can say anything, Safaa pulls his hand and leads him towards the living room. 

“Zayn!” Safaa shrieks happily when she sees her brother and she lets Niall’s hand go, and leaps onto Zayn’s arms, hugging him tightly. 

Niall turns his gaze away, purposely avoiding to stare at Zayn as he can feel all of the emotions come rushing towards him at once. He swallows a big lump in his throat. “I think I need to go back now.” He announces, reaching to hug Patricia briefly. “Thanks for the food. I loved it.” 

When Niall pulls away, he finds Safaa, and Zayn are staring at him. Safaa pouts slightly. “But you promised you’ll see my drawings. And eat all the cupcakes together.” She points out, eyes darting between Niall and Zayn. 

Niall glances down at Safaa guiltily. He wants to stay, but he doesn’t think he can bear to look at Zayn at the moment. He thought he was ready to face Zayn, but standing there at the moment, he doesn’t think so. The wounds are still fresh for him and he doesn’t even know what to say. 

“Can I just to talk to you?” Zayn asks, before he adds, “Alone?”

Niall is about to say no, but Patricia is already ushering Safaa out of the living room, leaving both of them alone. They stare at each other for a moment, before Niall breaks the gaze and starts to move around Zayn to the door instead. 

Zayn grabs his arm, and Niall stops walking. “Just stay, Niall.” 

Niall shakes his head, trying to wiggle his arm out of Zayn’s grip. “I can’t.” 

Zayn lets his hand go, but he quickly speaks up again. “If you don’t want to talk to me, then fine. Just stay for Safaa’s sake.” He begs. “She’s been asking for you. She misses you.”

Niall sighs, contemplating his decision. Part of him wants to leave, but the bigger part of him wants to stay, for Safaa. He feels bad for breaking his promise towards the little girl. “I’ll stay.” Niall says finally, before he quickly adds. “For Safaa.” 

Zayn nods, smiling slightly at Niall and even though their status is different now, that doesn’t mean he can’t be polite towards Zayn. So he smiles back and follows Zayn towards the kitchen. 

Niall ends up making Safaa happy by staying. At the same time, he manages to avoid Zayn every time Zayn seems to start a conversation with him. 

Niall just isn’t ready for that yet.

**************

Niall rubs his eyes sleepily, hand blindly reaching for his buzzing phone from the bedside table. He squint his eyes at the sudden bright light from the phone’s display and frowning slightly when he sees dozen of missed calls from Zayn. He must’ve slept like a baby for not noticing them. He unlocks the phone, and strings of messages appear on his screen. He starts to read the top one.

_Emily’s having contractions. We’re going to the hospital. –Z  
1:44am_

Niall’s eyes widen, as he realizes that the messages were sent two hours ago and he curses himself, starting to throw off his duvet and rushing to put on his clothes. 

Once Niall is behind the steering wheel, the realization of the situation starts to hit him. Emily is in labor. She’s about to give birth. And he’s going to be a father. And at that moment, he starts to panic, but his reverie is cut off when his phone shrills from the passenger seat and he picks it up quickly. 

“Hello?” 

“Niall? Hey, I tried to call you earlier.” Zayn says over the phone and Niall nods, before he realizes that Zayn can’t see him. 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was sleeping.”

Zayn hums. “It’s okay. I figured you were asleep.” He says, pausing slightly. “Hurm, where are you now?”

“I’m on my way.” Niall replies. “What’s going on? Did she give birth already?” He asks, his heart thundering against his chest nervously. 

“No, not yet.” Zayn says, before he becomes quiet again. “I’m just, I need you here? Like, I’m just, I’m kinda panicked, you know?” 

“Yeah, I know.” Niall replies. After all, he’s feeling the same too. The thought of having to wait for their first baby to be born is so overwhelming and despite the circumstances between Zayn and him now, Niall doesn’t want Zayn to be alone at the moment. “I’ll be there in half an hour top. Wait for me, yeah?” 

“Okay, I will. Drive safely.” 

Thanks to the non-existence of the traffic at the time, it’s barely 20 minutes later that Niall’s at the hospital. He strides towards the east wing, heading to what he hopes is the right area based on the signboard and finds Zayn slumped over on one of the chairs at the waiting area. 

“Hey.” Niall greets him quietly, but Zayn can hear him anyways as he glances up. 

“Hey.” Zayn smiles slightly at him. 

“How long has she been in there?”

Zayn shrugs, glancing at the wall clock. “An hour and a half, I guess. I wasn’t really paying much attention to the time.”

Niall nods understandingly before they both fall into silence. 

“I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby in a few hours.” Zayn says suddenly, breaking the silence between them. 

“Yeah.” Niall replies quietly. To be honest, he’s not sure on how he’s feeling at the moment. Of course he’s happy, but at the same time, he’s anxious too. There are too many questions that have been plaguing his mind. For starters, how are they going to raise a baby, if they’re not together? How does this thing work? Would they have to divide their time to take care of the baby? And where would the baby live? 

But Niall’s questions are soon lost when Zayn suddenly nudges his arm, startling him. “The doctor’s coming.” 

Niall turns his head to see their usual doctor coming their way, with a big smile on her face and both Niall and Zayn start to stand up, anxiously waiting for the doctor’s words. 

“Congratulations, Mr. Malik, Mr. Horan. It’s a healthy baby girl.” 

Niall ends up crying in joy against Zayn’s shoulder and let himself melt under Zayn’s embrace. Everything feels so surreal, so overwhelming and Niall is trying to wrap his head around it. “We have a baby now.”

**************

Niall closes the door quietly, tiptoeing until he reaches the bed and finds himself staring at a tired looking Emily on the bed.

“Hi, Niall.” Emily greets him in a quiet drawl, obviously still exhausted from the birth process. “Come here.” She says, patting a small space on her bed and beckons for Niall to come closer. 

Niall sits on the edge of the bed, smiling at Emily. “It feels weird to see you being your usual thin self again.” He comments, making Emily chuckle. 

“Have you seen the baby?” 

Niall nods. “I’ve seen her, Em. She’s so beautiful.” He coos, remembering a tiny bundle of baby that he held earlier. He left her with Zayn because he wanted to see Emily and Zayn had nodded understandingly. “Thank you so much for what you’ve done for us, Em.” Niall says sincerely, wanting to thank the girl for giving him, giving Zayn a gift that’s so priceless. 

Emily smiles at him, and they fall into silent and for some reason, Niall knows that sooner or later they have to talk about the elephant in the room. And Niall knows he’s right, when Emily starts to speak up again, breaking the silence. “I’m sorry for everything, Niall. I didn’t mean to ruin your relationship with Zayn, I swear.” 

Niall shakes his head, smiling slightly at her. “It wasn’t your fault, Em.” He tells her truthfully, before he continues. “I think it happened because of our own problems, maybe.”

“I hope you guys can work it out. You both are going to be a great dads to the baby.” Emily says, smiling wobbly at Niall. 

Niall stares at her. “Don’t you want to see her? For once?” 

Emily shakes her head. “I can’t,” she says. “It’ll harder for me to move on if I see her, Niall.” 

Niall nods understandingly and before he can say anything, Emily beats him to it. “I’ll move out after I’d discharged.”

Niall grabs her hand, squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to, Em. You can stay.” He says, even though technically it’s Zayn’s house now, but he sincerely wants Emily to stay, at least for a while. 

“I can’t.” Emily says quietly, as her lips start to quiver and Niall understands. He knows how hard it is for Emily, for a mother to give her own child to someone else. Niall’s mother had told him about this, about how the love of a mother would never lost, especially after she had carried the baby for nine months in her womb. And Niall knows that’s what Emily is feeling right now. 

“I promise I’ll take care of her, Em.” Niall says, squeezing her hand in reassurance. 

Emily nods, wiping her tears away with her other hand. “I know you will. Both of you and Zayn will.” She continues, staring at Niall intently. “I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you earlier about our history, Niall.” She apologizes again. “We thought it was for the best, but apparently we were wrong.”

“Em, we don’t have to talk about this.” Niall says. 

“No, we have to.” Emily insists. “I need you to know that we didn’t tell you because it meant nothing to us anymore. It’s not like we’re having the same feeling as we did for each other when we dated. And we weren’t even serious back then.” She continues. “You should’ve seen how he was a mess for these past few weeks when you were gone, Niall. He misses you, you know?” She pauses. “Don’t you miss him too?” She asks and the way she looks at him, waiting for him to answer, suddenly making Niall feels like he’s being suffocated. 

“He does love you, you know.” Emily speaks up after he doesn’t respond for a while. 

Niall closes his eyes briefly. “I don’t know, Emily. He probably does. But he also probably doesn’t know about what he wants.” Niall says, pausing slightly. “Like you said, he probably still thinks about me all the time, but that isn’t what matters, you know? I used to be the one who did everything to show him how much I love him-,”

“But that was then, this is now, _present._ ” Emily points out. 

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just a hopeless person who always need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want me in their life.” Niall swallows a big lump in his throat, not knowing what else to say anymore before he shakes his head, and starts to slip his hand out of Emily’s grip. “Take a rest, Em.” He says, before leaning down to give a peck on Emily’s forehead. “And thank you again.” He adds, before he turns around, striding out of the room.

**************

“Aw, she’s so cute.” Harry coos, cradling the baby in his arms, and Niall smiles, shaking his head. Somehow, he already knows how quickly Harry would be attached to the baby.

Niall sips on his drinks, glancing around at the small gathering of family and friends that Zayn’s mum had insisted to do, “We can’t crowd the baby in the hospital, let us see her at your house,” Patricia had said. Or at least that’s what Zayn had told him anyways. 

His eyes catch on Zayn, who’s leaning against the wall across the living room, talking to Doniya and Niall lets his eyes linger for a moment, before he finally realizes what he’s doing. Quickly shaking his head, he heads towards the back door. 

In the backyard, he finds Louis, having a smoke. He starts to smile when he sees Niall. “Tired of the baby already?” Louis teases, and Niall chuckles slightly. 

“Just need the fresh air.” Niall shrugs casually, before taking a seat beside him on the bench. 

“How do you feel?” Louis asks suddenly, and Niall whips his head to face him, raising his eyebrows in confusion. 

“What do you mean?” 

Louis smiles, shrugging slightly. “I know you, Niall. I think you forgot that I can notice when you don’t feel like yourself, and from what I’ve seen for these past hours, you seem restless.” Louis points out and for a moment, Niall is impressed with Louis’s insight. 

Niall contemplates with himself, not really knowing if he should tell Louis or just keep the things that have been on his mind by himself. When Louis keeps staring at him, Niall knows lying would be a lost cause because sooner or later, Louis will find his way to make Niall talk about it anyway. 

Niall stares into the distance. He loves this place, and one of the reasons Zayn had bought the house was because Niall fell in love with view of the sunset that he can watch from the yard. 

“Niall?” 

Niall snaps out of his reverie upon Louis’s voice and glancing towards his left. “I’m scared.” Niall admits finally. 

Louis looks at him confusingly. “Scared of what?” 

“I’m scared of not being a good father for Alicia.” Niall tells Louis. “You know how much I didn’t really have a father figure growing up. Guiding me, teaching me about life. I mean I was pretty much raising myself back then. And it’s terrifying to think that I would end up doing the same thing to her.” He adds, playing with the hem of his shirt, and feeling like he’s baring his soul to Louis. 

Niall takes a deep breath before he speaks up again. “I’m not complaining, you know. I mean, I love my dad. I know it wasn’t easy to be a single parent with young kids. I know he had tried his best to raise me and I’m grateful for that. But I don’t want that for Alicia, you know. I don’t want her to be left alone like I was. I know the way I was raised, it shaped me to be the way that I am now, but there’s this thing, you know, the instinct to never let your kid to grow up like you did? Like you want them to have a better childhood than you. I want to be _there_ for her.”

Louis nods knowingly. “I know that.” He says, patting Niall’s shoulder gently. 

Niall lets out a sigh of relief, glancing briefly at Louis. “How did you do it? With El? I mean, I remember you had a panic attack for a moment when you knew she was pregnant and your drunken confession of having a fear that you’ll turn up to be like your biological father.” 

“Oh yeah, I think Zayn had told me that.” Louis says, chuckling slightly at the memory. He smiles fondly and Niall knows by the faraway look on Louis’s face, the older lad is remembering his own son at home. “The thing is, Niall. I thought I had a bit of advantages from having tons of little siblings that I used to take care of when I was growing up. But I was wrong.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” 

Louis tilts his head to glance at Niall. “There is no manual on how to be a good parent. There is no book to define what is right and what is wrong in order to raise a child. Trust me, once you become a parent, you just _know._ It’s a natural instinct for parents.” Louis continues. “And you already got one with what you had told me just now. You’re worried about Alicia. See, it shows that you’re already capable of raising a child.” 

Niall sighs, still doubting. Noticing this, Louis shakes his head, “Give yourself a little credit, Niall. I know you’re going to be a great father.” Louis says, and his gaze flickers towards something behind his friend and he smiles, confusing Niall for a bit. “I know you both will.” Louis continues and Niall whirls his head around to see Zayn coming towards their spot. 

Before Niall can say anything, Louis already standing up, smiling at both of them. Patting Zayn’s shoulder gently, he makes his way towards the house, leaving both Niall and Zayn alone. 

Zayn takes Louis’s spot, sitting beside Niall on the bench and smiles tentatively. “Hey.”

Niall nods slightly, “Hey.” 

“So, hiding out already?” Zayn asks, and Niall appreciates Zayn’s attempt to lighten the atmosphere around them. It’s not as tense as before, but it’s not exactly comfortable either. After the break up, sometimes Niall feels like whenever they’re around each other, the atmosphere always leaves him feeling like he’s in a limbo. 

“Yeah, pretty much. I think Harry is pretty smitten with Alicia already.” Niall replies, humouring him. 

Zayn chuckles slightly, before he nods. Niall doesn’t have to wait long before Zayn starts to speak up again, breaking the awkward silence. “Look, I don’t actually know where we stand now, but all I can say that I’m really sorry about what happened, about us.” 

Niall sighs. He knows the talk is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that it hurts less. 

Zayn hunches slightly, clasping his hands together, and Niall knows it’s one of the signs of Zayn being nervous. “I’m just, I don’t think I can do this alone. I mean, I don’t even know how I’m going to survive raising a child by myself. I can’t ask Doniya to help, she’s got her hands full with her kids already. My mum is living too far and I can’t expect her to stay at the house to help me.” Zayn says. “So, I’m just wondering, I know you might not agree, but would you move back in with me?” He asks, eyes darting between Niall and the ground. “I know we broke up but, I just-“

“Yes, I would.” Niall says, cutting Zayn’s off. 

Zayn seems not to realize that at first, but when he does, he whips his head around to look at Niall. “You would?” 

Niall nods, shrugging slightly. “Yes.” He says firmly. “I love Alicia, and despite who’s the father, it was still our decision back then, so I won’t back out for the sake of her.” He tells Zayn. “I mean, if you weren’t asking, I was just about to discuss about the arrangement with you. I can swing both ways. I don’t mind if I’m living somewhere else too, as long as I get my turn to take care of her.”

Zayn shakes his head, straightening up, staring at Niall. “Stay here.” He blurts out, then continues. “I mean, this house has more than enough rooms for you to stay, since we’re-,” Zayn trails off, unsure on what to say next and Niall nods understandingly. 

Niall shrugs slightly. “I just want what’s best for Alicia at the moment. And I know how hard it is to raise a child by your own, so it’s a no brainer for me to stay and help too.” 

“Thank you, Niall.” Zayn says, and Niall smiles slightly at him, before starting to stand up. “Let’s see Alicia again. I’m scared that Harry would kidnap her for real.” He says, before leading their way into the house. 

Niall knows things aren’t as simple as they seem. He knows there are too many things left unsaid between him and Zayn, but at the moment, all he can think about is Alicia. And it’s not like living with Zayn would be such a horrible thing. Niall thinks he can do this. He just hope that he’s making a right decision and everything will turn out alright for everyone.

**************

“Whoa!!” Zayn exclaims as soon as Niall opens the bathroom’s door and Niall yelps slightly, hands quickly covering his eyes as he realizes that Zayn is standing naked in front of the sink, brushing his teeth.

“Oh, gosh. I’m sorry!” Niall shrieks, spinning on his heels to turn away and quickly making his way towards the other bathroom in the house. His heart is pounding quickly and he can feel his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. 

It’s not the first time that Niall has done the same thing. The first day that he had woken up in the house, he _almost_ barged into the bathroom, with Zayn in the shower. Luckily he realized what had happened, stopping midway and quickly retreated from the bathroom, blushing furiously even though Zayn couldn’t see him. 

Niall sighs slightly, rubbing his hands over his face. Apparently, breaking out of old habits is hard. It was always their morning routine, to share their favourite bathroom, but that was then. Now, Niall for sure knows that they no longer have the privilege to share a bathroom together like they used to. 

Awkward is the first thing that comes into Niall’s mind when Zayn enters the kitchen that noon, with Niall just starting to cook for the lunch. “Hi,” Niall mumbles, averting Zayn’s eyes and focusing on the stove instead, stirring the curry. 

Zayn clears his throat, and Niall can see from the corner of his eyes, how Zayn is fidgeting slightly, and wait, is that a blush on Zayn’s cheeks? 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Zayn says, startling Niall slightly. 

“What?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I forgot to lock the door, and urm-”

Niall chuckles slightly, trying to diffuse the awkwardness. “Nah, it’s okay. I forgot that you have tons of other bathrooms in your house.” 

Niall can sense Zayn staring at him behind his back from the prickling in his skin and Niall turns around to face him properly. “What?” He asks confused. 

Zayn shakes his head, taking a seat on the stool. “Nothing.” He says, taking a deep breath. “It’s just, it’s _your_ house too, you know?” 

And that it is, again. The _thing_ that they haven’t talked about. Niall swallows a lump in his throat, trying his best to come out with a reply, but he has nothing. 

Zayn seems to notice that Niall doesn’t want to talk about it so he shakes his head instead, “What’s for lunch? Can I help you?” Zayn asks instead, and Niall could hug him right now for changing the subject. 

“For now, just a chicken curry.” Niall replies. “But I’m planning to add another dish. What do you have in mind?” 

Zayn smiles at Niall, standing up from the stool and starts to head towards the refrigerator. “What do you say if I make the famous samosa that you like so much?” 

Niall grins. “That’d be great!” 

Conversations flow easily after that as they talk about everything, and Niall feels relief that they seem to tolerate each other, at least better than the first weeks when Niall couldn’t even look at Zayn without feeling some sense of dread. 

Niall is laughing over some funny stories that Zayn is telling him, something about mistaken Liam at the store and he doesn’t realize that his hand is near the stove and before he knows it, he yelps in pain, cradling his hand over his chest as he accidentally touched the hot stove. 

Zayn is beside him in a flash, quickly grabbing Niall’s hand and leading them towards the sink, and letting the water flows on Niall’s hand. Niall hisses slightly as he feels the burn and Zayn pats his back gently. “Sorry, but this can ease the burn, okay?” 

Niall nods silently, and his heart starts to pound rapidly as he realizes how close they are at the moment. He hasn’t been this close to Zayn since months. And now, Niall can feel Zayn’s breath fanning over his neck and he tries to suppress his shudder, hating himself for still having that reaction whenever Zayn is close to him. 

He can see the difference now. Niall can see the stubbles on Zayn’s face, and he can see those little tattoos, just beside the dragon one, and it was all inked in the forms of their initials. Nobody knows that except for them, since Zayn got the tattoos for their first year anniversary. And how Niall liked to trace his finger over the tattoos, whenever they made love, it made those moments felt intimate, _private_. And somehow, Niall hates himself for still remembering all those little things. 

Because right now, it all feel familiar, yet it’s different. 

Niall lets Zayn to lead him towards the cabinet, rummaging for a bandage, and he watches silently as Zayn starts to wrap the burn parts gently. Zayn lets his hand linger atop of Niall, before kissing it as gentle as he can, like he always did, to kiss it better. 

Niall sucks in his breath, and Zayn’s eyes widen as he realizes what’s happening and Niall jerks away his hand from Zayn’s grip, his heart thundering against his chest. 

They both avert each other’s eyes, as the air goes still, the awkward silence is filling in again. Niall fidgets on his toes, suddenly doesn’t know on what to do. Should he laughs it off? Should he acts like it was nothing? But Niall finds his answer when the silence is broken by the sound of Alicia’s crying and Zayn bolts out of the kitchen like a lightning, not even glancing back at Niall. 

He doesn’t know whether he feels relief or disappointed.

**************

Niall yawns as he makes his way towards the kitchen, pausing his steps midway when he sees the lights from the television is flashing through the dark living room.

“Zayn?” Niall calls out, walking towards the couch, trying to see if Zayn had fallen asleep in the middle of watching television, because that’s what Zayn always does, and Niall is always be the one who would coax him to go to sleep in the room. 

“Yes?” Zayn replies, sitting up slightly from the couch and stares at Niall. He smiles slightly at Niall, shaking his head. “I’m not falling asleep.” He says, as if he has the same thought as Niall before. 

Niall can’t help but smile back. “What are you watching?” 

“Just some documentary about Bruno.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows, before plopping down on the other couch. “Why didn’t you tell me? I love Bruno.” Niall whines.

Zayn chuckles, shrugging slightly. “I thought you were asleep.” He says. “Your obsession with Bruno is still haven’t changed I see.” He points out. 

“Yeah, well. I’m a loyal person.” Niall replies easily. 

“Yeah, you are.” Zayn mumbles quietly, but Niall can hear the undertone behind those words. Before Niall can say anything, Zayn starts to speak up again. “Remember how you were obsessed with Uptown Funk? I think you played that song over and over again until Harry was getting mad.” 

Niall laughs out loud, clearly remembering on what Zayn is talking about. He remembers loving that song so much that he couldn’t stop playing it over his phone, loudly, until one day, Harry snapped and threw his phone across the wall. They pretty much had a fight over that, albeit come to think of it now, they were all stressed about the tour at the moment, so Niall understood why everyone had a short temper at that time, including Harry. 

“It’s funny. You’d always dance over that song when you were alone anyway.” Zayn points out, referring to several times that he had caught Niall shaking his booty when he thought he was alone at the house. 

Niall blushes, snorting, blurting out, “Well I wasn’t alone when Em joined me too.” Niall’s eyes widen as soon as the words left his mouth, glancing at Zayn briefly to search for his reaction but Zayn seems indifference. 

“Yeah, you guys were pretty much alike.” Zayn says, and Niall shrugs, leaning against the couch silently. 

“Do you,” Niall trails off, contemplating whether he should continue with the questions but he’s curious. “Do you still keep in touch with her? What she’s up to now?” 

Zayn smiles slightly at Niall. “She’s doing good, I heard she got an offer from the same agency that Rebecca is in.” He tells Niall. “Good to know that Rebecca can help Em too.” 

“Oh, Rebecca.” At the mention of the name, Niall’s heart starts to sink into his stomach. Rebecca, who was an ex-girlfriend of Zayn, which is now working with another ex-girlfriend of Zayn. Per- _freaking_ -fect. 

Suddenly, Niall feels like he can’t be there with Zayn anymore. He doesn’t know why, but he can’t. He stands up abruptly, “I’m beat. Night.” He says, ignoring Zayn’s confused look, before he stalks out of the living room. 

It’s when Niall is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, that he starts to think about how ridiculous he was acting when he heard Rebecca’s and Emily’s names. After all, he was the one who brought up Emily first, but how was he supposed to know that it’d be linked to Rebecca? The bitterness that he felt when he heard about both of them from Zayn, made him hate on himself. He shouldn’t be feeling like this. After all, Zayn and him aren’t even together anymore. 

Niall sighs heavily. “Why is everything so confusing,” he mutters under his breath.

**************

“Bye!” Zayn shouts, rushing up towards the door, leaving Niall and Harry alone at the kitchen. Once Zayn leaves the house, Harry turns to look at Niall, raising his eyebrows.

“Tell me I’m not dreaming.” Harry says.

Niall stares at Harry in confusion. “What?” 

Harry blinks, shaking his head, his arms flailing as he can’t believe Niall doesn’t know what he’s talking about. “This.” Harry says, pointing at the dishes on the table. “All of these. Zayn made all of these?” 

Niall wipes the syrup that gets caught on his lips, swallowing the last bite of his pancakes, before he replies to Harry. “Yeah. He always makes breakfast. He told me he likes it, making breakfast for us. And how could I say no to that?” 

“Or for _you_ , you mean.” Harry deadpans. “I’ve never thought I’d see the day where Zayn woke up before noon, let alone making breakfast at the crack of the dawn.” 

Niall snorts. “It’s already 8.30, Harry. It’s barely dawn anymore.” He points out. 

Harry rolls his eyes, throwing his napkin over to Niall. “You know what I mean.” He says. 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

Harry shakes his head, putting his elbow on the table, and resting his chin on his hand, staring at Niall. “He must be trying so hard to woo you again.” 

“Harry.” Niall warns, as he realizes the subject that Harry is about to broach. 

Harry raises his arms in surrender, sighing slightly. “I’m just saying, you know.” 

“Can we drop this subject? It’s just breakfast, for god’s sake.” Niall says, picking up his plate and bring it over to the sink, turning his back to Harry. He doesn’t think he can be under Harry’s scrutinizing gaze at the moment. 

“Niall, you know it’s not just breakfast.” Harry says, obviously not wanting to let the subject drop. Niall knows that his friend can be stubborn sometimes. “I know you and Zayn are starting to get in better terms again. I know that you guys sometimes went strolling at the park with Alicia.” 

Niall snorts. “Are you stalking us or what?” he deadpans. 

“Yeah, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not exactly completely off the fans radar.” Harry says, and Niall hears Harry’s steps are getting closer towards him, and Niall braces himself. 

“Really? Are you going to stare at the sink instead of looking at me?” Harry asks, and finally Niall sighs, before turning around to face his friend. 

“What do you want me to say, Harry?” 

Harry shrugs. “I don’t know. How do you feel about the fact that Zayn is trying his best to win your heart again?” 

Niall snorts. “He’s not doing that.” 

“Niall.” Harry says firmly. 

Niall sighs, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning against the counter. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know how should I feel? Yeah, it feels easy, almost as when we were together, and I admit that I’m flattered sometimes. But-,” 

“But?” 

“I don’t want to put on any hope, okay?” Niall admits truthfully. He has his heart to guard and protect. “I’m scared that things would end like before.”

**************

“Aren’t you a little bit old to watch this movie, Niall?”

Niall startles, almost jumping out of the couch when he hears Zayn’s voice. He croons his neck towards his left as Zayn plops down at the other end of the couch. 

“Finding Nemo knows no age limit, Zayn.” Niall points out. “Plus, Alicia loves it too.” 

Zayn chuckles, and Niall smiles as Zayn props his feet on the coffee table, and starts to watch the movie too. 

They both watch the movie in silence, until Niall can’t hold back his tears. He feels ridiculous, it’s not the first time that he’s seen the movie yet it makes him cry every time. 

“Oh gosh, Niall, are you still crying over this movie?” Zayn asks, chuckling slightly and Niall glares at him. 

“Well, it’s not my fault that it’s a god damn emotional movie.” Niall says, pouting and sniffling slightly. 

“You’re so damn adorable.” Zayn blurts out, and Niall inhales a deep breath as he hears those words. 

Before he knows it, Zayn starts to move closer towards him, touching Niall’s cheeks and Niall’s heart is thumping rapidly against his chest. He feels lost under those hazel eyes, staring at him, and instinctively leaning in when Zayn cups his face, and Niall’s heart beats faster as he feels Zayn’s breathing airily against his parted lips. 

Zayn leans in closer, caressing Niall’s cheeks softly. Niall feels Zayn’s lips against his and he feels like his body is on fire. Zayn’s lips are soft against his, slightly chapped but so soft, and Niall can’t help but lose himself in the kiss, moaning slightly when Zayn starts to press his lips harder against Niall’s. There’s a voice in the back of Niall’s head, keeps reminding him that this is wrong, _so_ wrong yet it feels so right. 

It feels like forever since he last kissed Zayn. To be lost in Zayn’s kiss like he used to. But when he realizes that it was all Zayn’s fault, and now that they’re no longer together, Niall’s eyes snap open, before he scrambles away from Zayn. Before Zayn can say anything, Niall runs towards his room, ignoring the calls from Zayn who’s chasing him from behind and quickly locks his door once he’s inside the room. 

“Niall, I’m sorry!” Zayn apologizes, pounding the door slightly, begging for Niall to open. 

Niall holds his breath, leaning against the door, until Zayn stops pounding on the door and walking away. Niall raises his finger, touching the linger taste of Zayn’s lips on his.

**************

Niall thinks he’s still in a dream when someone is shaking his body, “Niall, wake up, help me.” It takes him a moment, before he realizes that he’s not dreaming as he blinks his eyes open and finds Zayn’s face is looming over him.

Niall rubs the sleep out of his eyes, slightly alarming at Zayn’s panic expression. “What happened?” Niall asks, quickly sitting up as he realizes that Zayn looks like he’s on the verge of crying. 

“Alicia won’t stop crying, I don’t know what’s wrong.” Zayn says hysterically and Niall throws off his duvet, before following Zayn to Alicia’s room. Of course, the baby is crying loudly and Niall wonders how the hell he didn’t hear it earlier. He must’ve been in a deep sleep. 

“Hey, Alicia. What’s wrong, baby?” Niall coos, scooping the baby into his arms, trying to rock her, hoping that she’ll stop crying. She doesn’t. Instead, the crying gets louder and Niall glances up to look at Zayn. 

“Have you fed her?” Niall asks. 

Zayn nods. “I fed her this morning. Then I put her back in her crib but she won’t stop crying and I don’t know what’s wrong.” He tells Niall, and Niall can see how much it affects Zayn for being helpless about the situation. 

Niall kisses the top of Alicia’s head, rocking her again but the wailing still continues and when Niall feels a slight damp against his arm, he thinks he gets the idea on why she can’t stop crying. “When was the last time you changed her diaper?” Niall asks, as he putting Alicia on the pan. 

“I’m not sure. Couple of hours ago?” Zayn replies, comes out more of a question rather than the statement. 

Niall hums, nodding, before bending down slightly cooing at the baby. “Aw, daddy thinks we need to change your diaper, okay?” He says, grabbing one of the diapers beside the pan and starts changing. 

It doesn’t take long after Niall changes her diaper that Alicia stops her crying and now is babbling happily when Niall scoops her up again. “That’s my good girl.” He says, kissing her cheeks lovingly. 

“You’re so good at this.” Zayn comments from the door, and Niall feels slightly bad that he forgets about Zayn being in the room.

“Had a bit of experience with all the babysit duties that I’ve done for Theo and Alaia.” Niall says, shrugging casually. 

Zayn nods, smiling slightly, face no longer has the panic expression like earlier and Niall can’t help but smiling back. 

“Look, Niall, about what happened yesterday-“” 

Niall shakes his head quickly, cutting Zayn off. “Let’s just forget about it, okay? It was a mistake. Just pretend that it didn’t happen.” He says, quickly glancing away before he can see Zayn’s reaction. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Zayn says quietly. “You’re right, it was just a mistake.” 

And if Niall feels disappointed after that, he chooses to ignore it, burying his feelings deep down inside his heart.

**************

“Fuck.” Niall curses as he drops the glass and he can only stare at the ground, watching the glasses scattered on the floor. He tightens his grip on the kitchen stool, swaying slightly as he can feel his head is spinning and for a moment, he prays that he won’t pass out on top of the broken glasses.

“Niall? What happened?” 

Niall quickly turns around upon hearing Zayn’s voice, which turns out to be a mistake as he can feel the world is spinning around and if Zayn does not catch his arm quickly, Niall knows for sure that he’d end up cracking his head at the edge of the stool. 

He lets Zayn guiding him to sit on the stool, and groans when he feels his world shifting at the different altitude. Zayn puts the back of his hand on Niall’s forehead, and Niall intuitively leaning on the cool hand, sighing contently. 

“You’re hot.” 

“Aw, thanks Zayn.” Niall mumbles, and he hears Zayn snorts, as he already closing his eyes, hoping that he can get rid of the thumping inside his head.

“You’re burning up.” Zayn comments. “I think you caught the flu that Alicia had last week.” 

Niall hums, trying to suppress the impending headache, before he starts to stand up.

“Whoa, where are you going?” Zayn asks, quickly grabs Niall’s arm as he starts to sway on his feet again. 

“Bed. Sleep.” Niall mumbles, scared that if he opens his mouth again, another things would come out instead of words. He knows the combination of headache and nausea is not fun at all. He tries to swat Zayn’s hand around his shoulder, but Zayn wouldn’t bulge, instead he pulls Niall closer towards him, slowly leading him towards the room. 

Niall sighs heavily, groaning slightly as he feel that it would take years to reach his bedroom. He must’ve said it out loud though, because the next thing he knows, Zayn is scooping him into his arm and he doesn’t have energy to fight him, instead he buries his face further into the crook of Zayn’s neck. 

Zayn gently deposits Niall on the bed and Niall quickly curls into a ball. He lets out a content sigh when he feels a thick blanket thrown over his shivering body. He barely feels the gentle rub on his back and Zayn’s soft voice. “Just go to sleep.” 

Niall doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep but he remembers being woken up by Zayn, and being forced to swallow some pills and finishing the soup, before he falls asleep again. 

The fever is broken two days later, and Niall feels slightly better. He wants to go back to sleep again, but his stomach decides to let out a loud growl and he blinks. He must’ve skipped a proper meal for days. 

Niall tightens his jumper around himself, as he walks into the kitchen, sniffling. The noise obviously catches Zayn’s attention as he starts to turn around. 

“Hey, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be resting.” 

Niall shrugs, taking a seat on the stool. “Hungry.” 

Zayn sighs. “I was just about to bring the foods upstairs, you know.” 

“I’m not a kid, Zayn. If I feel like I can go to get the foods myself, I would get it.” Niall says stubbornly. 

Zayn crosses his arms over his chest, staring hard at Niall. “Why are you so stubborn?” He asks. “I just want to take care of you, why won’t you let me?” 

“It’s okay, I managed to take care of myself the last time you told me to, didn’t I?” Niall snaps. He doesn’t know why but at the moment all he can feel is the whirlwind of emotions. Flashes of memories appear in Niall’s mind, when he was sick and Zayn had told him to take care of himself because apparently Emily had weak immune and Zayn didn’t want her to get sick during her pregnancy. It feels like all of his repressed feelings are pouring out and Niall can’t control it. 

Zayn sighs, his shoulder slouches in defeat. “Niall-,” He starts, eyes pleading. 

“Save it, Zayn. I don’t want to hear anything.” Niall says, before quickly standing up and turning around to leave the kitchen, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore. Part of Niall thinks he’s being too cruel to Zayn, but the big part of him thinks it’s the right thing to do. He won’t crumble under those hazel eyes again.

**************

“So, let me get this straight.” Liam says, staring at Niall. “Zayn asked you out for dinner. Alone. Just two of you?”

Niall nods, leaning against his bedpost. Despite having the fever broken, he still feels slightly sick and Liam being the father figure, bless him, insists on visiting Niall. 

“So, what did you say?” Liam asks. 

Niall shrugs. “I told him no.” 

Liam raises his eyebrows. “Why?” 

“I don’t know.” Niall replies, shrugging again. “It feels weird. Plus, who’s going to look after Alicia if we’re both not at the house.” Liam falls into a silent, staring at Niall, making him squirm uncomfortably under Liam’s gaze. “What?” 

“I don’t know, Niall. It seems to me that Zayn is trying so hard but you don’t even appreciate his effort. Not a bit.” Liam points out. 

Niall feels annoyance starts to bubble inside him as he remembers the similar conversation that he had with Harry a couple of weeks before. “Did you talk to Harry about me?” 

Liam shrugs. “He might hinted one or two things about you guys, but this is all me.” He admits truthfully. “Look, all I can see right now, is your reluctance and excuses about whatever Zayn is trying to do.” 

“Well, can’t blame me for that, can you?” Niall snaps. 

Liam, undeterred by Niall’s tone, shakes his head. “The thing is, you two have a kid now, Niall. It was the decision that had been made by _both_ of you together. You told me you hated it when your parents got divorced when you were a kid, what makes you think that it would be a good thing for Alicia if you and Zayn turn out to be the same too?” 

“We were not married, Liam. It’s not the same thing.” Niall says defensively. 

Liam snorts. “Could’ve fooled me.” He deadpans, staring at Niall. “What are you afraid of, Ni?” Liam asks gently, trying to coax Niall to talk but Niall remains silent and Liam sighs heavily. “Since when are you like this? _Niall_ that I used to know didn’t even know how to hold a grudge towards anyone. He was always forgiving, always optimistic about his view of life.” 

“People change, Liam.” Niall says. “Zayn changed. I changed. We all changed along the way.” 

Liam stares at Niall, hard, before he starts to stand up from the edge of the bed. “You know what, it’s your life, it’s your decision. And if you change your mind about the dinner, I’m always a phone call away to babysit.” Liam says, before making his way towards the door. 

Niall watches as Liam stops on his track, as his hand reaching the doorknob, opening the door. He turns around slightly to look at Niall. “And you were right, Niall. People change. Both of you and Zayn changed. But one thing I know for sure is that doesn’t change the fact that you two are still in love with each other.” He says, before walking out of the room, leaving Niall alone with his words still echoing in Niall’s mind. _Still in love with each other._

**************

Niall leans back against the leather seat, staring at the view from the window, before he turns his head towards Zayn. “The dinner was nice. Thanks for taking me.”

He watches as Zayn’s face breaks into a smile, nodding slightly as he still keeps his eyes on the road. “You’re most welcome. I know that’s your favourite place.” Zayn says. “Remember when you once crawled under the table to pick up your fallen wallet but the waiter got the wrong idea?”

Niall snorts, chuckling slightly. He remembers that little incident. It was so embarrassing at that time. Although they told the waiter that they didn’t do anything, he was still looking at them sceptically. And before he walked away after he served their table, he politely said that the main rule in the restaurant was no public sex allowed. Niall remembers choking on his drink, making the plain water sputters everywhere while Zayn was laughing out loud. Of course Niall remembers that. It’s one of the things that still tuck in his memory. 

“It was on our second date.” Zayn points out, darting his eyes between the road and Niall. 

Niall nods, “yeah,” he replies silently. He glances towards the window again. Somehow the air suddenly feels different and Niall knows that whatever that Zayn wants to say next, is inevitable. 

“Are we going to stay like this forever?” Zayn asks, and Niall was right. 

“Like what?” Niall asks, playing dumb even though he’s pretty sure what Zayn is talking about. 

Zayn sighs, and Niall braces himself for whatever comes next. “Like this. Us, being like strangers. Like we’re never together.” 

“We _are_ not together anymore, Zayn.” Niall points out. 

Zayn goes silent, and Niall can see that he’s trying to control his emotion. “Says you.” Zayn says finally. “It’s pretty obvious on how I still feel about you.”

Niall sighs heavily, shaking his head. “Can we not do this right now? I really just want to go home.”

“No. We need to talk about this right now.” Zayn says firmly. “Or else you’d be running away from me again every time I want to talk about the thing, about _us._ ”

“What’s there to talk about?” Niall retorts. “There’s nothing to talk about.” 

Zayn shakes his head, refusing to accept Niall’s words. “Em told me about what you had told her. About how you thought that I didn’t want you as much as you wanted me. And you were wrong, Ni. You were _so_ wrong. I wanted you then, I still want you now.” Zayn says. 

“Zayn, please, stop talking.” Niall pleads. “I don’t want to talk about this.” 

“I won’t stop.” Zayn says stubbornly. “I want to know where we stand, Niall. I won’t stop until you tell me why we can’t be together again? Why can’t we go back to what we were before? Why won’t you give me a second chance after my mistake?” 

“Second chance?!!!” Niall bellows, eyes blazing and his nostrils flaring with a sudden anger. “I gave more than a second chance, Zayn! Every time you chose Emily over me, I gave you a chance! I let it slide, I let it happened. I gave you a chance to fix it. Every single time! And yet, you were still choosing her over me, over and over again!”

“I didn’t chose her! I chose the baby, okay? I’m sorry that you didn’t think that the baby was important enough for you, but it was for me!” Zayn shouts back.

Niall is seething. Suddenly, all of Zayn’s words from the night that they had broken up, come rushing into Niall’s mind again. It feels like a dejavu. A bad dejavu that Niall hates. “Yeah, cause obviously Alicia is _your_ baby, right?” 

“Niall, shit, I didn’t mean it like that.” Zayn says, trying to reach for Niall’s hand but Niall jerks his hand away, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Pull over.” Niall demands. 

Zayn glances between the road and Niall confusingly. “What?”

“Pull over.” Niall repeats firmly. “I’m going for a walk.”

“It’s midnight already.” Zayn points out. 

Niall doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if it’s already the crack of the dawn. He just need to get out of the car before he explodes. “I said, pull over.” He says, gritting his teeth. “Or I’ll jump.”

Zayn seems to know on how real Niall’s threat is, so he pulls over the car on the sidewalk, turning off the engine. “I’m going with you.” 

“What?!” 

Zayn stares at Niall, his eyes full of determination. “I won’t let you run away again. We really need to talk about this.”

Niall huffs, before getting out of the car, and starts to stride mindlessly. He hears Zayn’s footsteps behind him but he doesn’t really care. All he wants at the moment is just to clear his head. 

He doesn’t know how long they have been walking along the road in silent until suddenly Zayn starts to speak up, breaking the silence. “So, this is how are we going to be from now on?” Zayn asks, and Niall remains silent, glancing towards the empty road. 

When Niall starts to cross over to the other side, Zayn quickly grabs his arm, turning Niall around to face him properly. “Niall, please.” Zayn begs and Niall doesn’t bulge, only staring at Zayn in silent, making Zayn sighs heavily. “I’m really sorry for everything, Niall. I was wrong. I made a mistake of taking you for granted.” 

Zayn steps closer towards Niall, staring right into Niall’s eyes and Niall can see that Zayn’s eyes are brimming with tears, and it tugs his heartstring. He doesn’t mean to make Zayn upset. 

“I’m really sorry for what I’ve done, Niall.” Zayn says, his voice cracks slightly, filled with emotion and Niall feels so overwhelm and confuse at the same time. “I hope you can forgive me.”

Niall swallows a big lump in his throat, eyes watering as he hears the sincerity and earnestness in Zayn’s voice. “I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, Zayn.” Niall admits truthfully. “It’s just,” he trails off, staring into Zayn’s eyes. “It’s the forgetting part is the hardest thing to do.” 

Zayn smiles sadly at Niall. “I love you, you know? I don’t know how much it would take to gain your trust again, to convince you that I still love you. I’m still trying. I’m sorry that I haven’t showing it enough before, to let you believe that I didn’t love you.” 

Niall wipes away the sudden tears that pouring out from his eyes. He feels like a mess. He knows Zayn is truly sincere, but Niall, he feels so overwhelming and confuses with his own feelings. 

“I have a faith in us, Niall. I just hope you’re feeling the same way as I do too.” Zayn says. 

Niall backs away slightly, feeling like he can’t wrap his head around it at the moment. He needs to think. He needs to get away from Zayn to think. He knows he’s acting like a coward but he can’t help it. Without sparing a glance at Zayn, Niall quickly turns around, heading to the other side of the road. 

It takes a mere second before a sudden headlight appears with a blaring sound of the car’s horn heading towards him and he hears Zayn’s scream. “Niall! Watch out!”

**************

Pain is the first thing that Niall feels. He tries to blink his eyes, clearing his blurry vision. He moves slightly from his position, groaning when he feels like his head is splitting open. He feels something is trickling down his forehead and his finger reaches for the thick liquid. Niall tries his best not to think about the worse but he’s pretty sure that it is blood.

He croons his neck, trying to figure out on what’s happening when suddenly he sees Zayn, slumping on the road, and Niall feels a bile starts to rise towards his throat. “Oh my god, Zayn…” 

Niall shakily standing up, trying to reach Zayn as far as he can with his wobbly legs. He can’t take his eyes off Zayn’s still figure on the road and when Niall is finally reaching to Zayn’s body, the sight is something that Niall would never want to see again. He kneels on the road, cradling Zayn’s head onto his lap, noticing the blood flowing out from Zayn’s nose and lips. “Zayn…” Niall cries out, tears start to pour out from his eyes. “Zayn, wake up, please.” Niall is borderline hysterical when he sees no movement from Zayn. 

He faintly hear the sounds of sirens and barely feels it when someone tries to pry Zayn’s body from him.

“Kid, we need to check on him. Please, let us help him?” Niall hears one of the paramedics, talking softly to him, before gently prying Zayn’s body from Niall’s arms. Everything is so blurry for Niall. 

The other paramedic kneeling down on the other side, reaching for Zayn’s pulse. “His pulse is weak. I think he’s losing too much blood.”

Niall hears someone else is talking to him, another paramedic, asking to look at his injury, but he is too worry about Zayn, feeling a bile rising in his throat again. “Save him, please, save him.” He pleads, eyes darting between the paramedics in hysterical. 

The paramedic nods, her hands reaching for Niall’s forehead, and Niall whimpers slightly at her touch. He barely feels it when the paramedic pushes him gently to lie back on the stretcher, starting to put an oxygen mask over Niall’s face. Niall’s head feels fuzzy. 

“We’re losing him.” Someone says and Niall’s heart starts to pound rapidly. He knows they’re talking about Zayn. He struggles to sit up from his lying position. He needs to find out about Zayn. 

“Kid, what are you doing?” The paramedic who’s tending him asks, trying to push Niall to lie again. 

“My fri-,” Niall trails off. “My boyfriend…please..” He pleads. 

The paramedic nods sympathetically at him. “We’ll help him, okay? But you’re injured too, so we need to help you too, okay?” She says gently. 

Niall wants to scream at the paramedic. He wants to tell her that Zayn is unconscious and Niall _needs_ to see him. Niall hears the voice of the other paramedic shouting for defibrillator and Niall _really_ wants to know what’s happening to Zayn. But, it’s at the same time that the paramedic flashes a light on his eyes making Niall yells as the pain in his head intensifies and everything goes black.

**************

Niall spends a night on hospital bed since he got a mild concussion from hitting his head on the curb of the sidewalk. The first thing he wants to do is to see Zayn, but Louis sternly tell him that he needs to rest, and Zayn…

Zayn is not waking up yet. Won’t wake up for a day or two due to his injuries. Niall cries against Louis’s shoulder when he learns that Zayn got a flatline, albeit it was short, but still, he could have lost Zayn, and that realization makes his heart aching.

**************

“Hi, Zayn.” Niall starts, taking a seat on the chair besides Zayn’s bed. He stares at Zayn’s still figure on the bed, swallowing back his sob as he takes on Zayn’s appearance. There are bruises and cuts all over Zayn’s face and arms, and Niall is not even sure what lies underneath the thick blanket that’s covering Zayn’s body. Zayn’s left leg is slightly props up, broken, as the doctor had told Niall.

Niall grabs Zayn’s hand, the one which isn’t attached to the I.V drip and squeezes it gently, and he lets out a sigh of relief when he feels the warmth. At least, the warmth means good thing instead of a cold hand. 

“When I saw you on the street,” Niall sniffs, “I felt like my life was flashing before my eyes. _Our_ lives.” Niall tells Zayn. “You scared me, Zayn. I thought I was going to lose you. I was so scared.” He admits truthfully. As much as he was scared of Zayn breaking his heart, he’s more scared of the thought of losing Zayn. 

“I’m sorry, Zayn.” Niall continues. “I’m sorry for being so stubborn. I should’ve accepted your apologies. I should’ve known better that you were a good person, who were bound to make mistake, like I did too sometimes.” He says, pausing slightly. “Remember when you asked me, if I have the same feeling as you do?” Niall takes a deep breath before he continues. “I do, Zayn. I still love you.” He admits finally. “Always have, always will.” 

Niall kisses the back of Zayn’s hand gently, “please, wake up soon.” He pleads. “I miss you.” He says, before glancing up to look at Zayn’s face, and gasping in shock when he sees Zayn’s eyes are blinking open, staring at him. 

“Zayn!” Niall shrieks..

“Hi.” Zayn greets quietly, his voice cracking. Niall grabs the ice chips from the cup beside the table, before gently dropping it into Zayn’s mouth. 

“I missed you too, Ni.” Zayn says after that, voice no longer cracking and Niall blinks his tears away. 

“Don’t scare me like that again.” Niall scolds, his voice thick as he can’t contain his emotions at the moment. “You’re an idiot.” He adds. 

Zayn pouts slightly and Niall can’t help it, leaning down to kiss those lips gently, avoiding the spot where he can see the cuts. When they pull away, Niall’s tears start to pour out. 

“Hey, don’t cry.” 

“Why did you push me away, Zayn? I should’ve been the one on this bed instead.”

“I can’t bear to see you get hurt, Ni.” 

Niall frowns. “Now you’re the one who’s getting hurt.” He says, fresh tears slide down his cheeks again. 

Zayn tries to reach for Niall’s face to wipe away the tears, but he winces slightly at the movement, and Niall remembers about the broken ribs. “I should’ve get the doctor or nurse to check on you.” He says, starting to turn away, but Zayn tightens their tangled hands. 

“No, stay.” Zayn says, and Niall looks at him worriedly. 

“But, Zayn-,” Niall starts to protest, but Zayn is giving him the puppy look and Niall can feel his intention deters, and finally sighs in defeat. He knows that he should really inform the doctor or nurse about Zayn, but part of him can’t help to be selfish, to be greedy, for wanting to spend his time alone with Zayn first. 

Niall sits back on the chair, and Zayn stares at him. “I’m sorry, Niall.” Zayn says, before pausing slightly. “For everything.”

Niall shakes his head. “It’s okay, Zayn. We can talk about this later, okay? I promise I won’t run away again.” 

Zayn smiles weakly at Niall, nodding. Then he tries to move slightly, making some space on the bed and looking at Niall with a hopeful gaze. Niall catches on Zayn’s idea, and as much as he wants to cuddle Zayn on the bed, he can’t. “I don’t want to mess with your injuries, Zayn.” He says. “Plus, your legs need a proper space too.” 

“But,” Zayn starts to whine and Niall shakes his head quickly. 

“No but.” Niall says sternly. “I’m staying here, okay?” He says, scooting the chair closer, and lies his head as far as he can reach near Zayn’s shoulder. 

“But, your neck-,“

“I don’t care about my neck, Zayn.” Niall cuts Zayn off. “I care about you, so humor me, and just rest, okay?”

**************

“Look at him, look at him, Liam, he’s glowing.”

“Louis, stop teasing him.” Liam scolds and Niall swears if he’s not in love with Zayn, he could kiss Liam senseless for always having his back. 

“Go away, Louis.” Niall grumbles, swatting Louis’s hand away from his cheeks. 

Louis cackles, backing away slightly from crowding Niall on his bed, his _own_ bed at home. “I came here to visit you and this is how you repay me?” Louis pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Such a drama king, you fool.” He says, throwing his other pillow towards his friend. 

Louis is about to throw it back, before Harry enters the room with a loud, “Hello! London!!” 

Niall laughs out loud, Liam grins and Louis rolls his eyes. “I thought you forgot your way back.” Louis deadpans. 

Harry ignores Louis, making his way towards Niall and plops down beside him on the bed, leaning against the bedhead too, before pulling Niall into his side hug. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t be earlier, Ni. My flight was delayed.” 

Niall smiles, shrugging slightly. “It’s okay, Harry.” He says truthfully. “It’s Zayn that you should worry about.” 

Harry nods, “yeah, I’ve heard that. Liam told me.” He says, glancing slightly at Liam and Niall watches as Liam nods, confirming. “I’m planning to visit him tomorrow morning. You’ll come too, right?” 

Louis snorts. “Of course he’ll come. You don’t want him to miss his boyfriend’s visiting hour, do you?”

Harry raises his eyebrows confusingly, before his face breaks into a large grin. “Aw, now Zayn is _boyfriend_ again?” 

Niall feels his cheeks gotten ten times hotter than before upon hearing Harry’s teasing tone. Liam and Louis coo at him, while Harry cackles at his misery. Sometimes, Niall hates his friends. 

“Why are you not surprised by this information?” Niall asks curiously, tilting his head to his left to look at Harry.

Harry shrugs. “Well, pretty much because it’s so obvious that you both are still in love with each other.” He says easily. “It’s just a shame that it took a near-death experience to get you guys back together again.” 

At the mention of the accident, Niall’s face goes solemn, and Liam smacks Harry on his head slightly, before sitting at the edge of the bed, facing Niall. “Look, what’s important now, is that both of you are safe, and happy, and the rest are not important, okay?” 

Niall nods, sighing. “I just-,” he trails off, and he can feel the other three’s eyes are staring at him, waiting for him to continue. “When I saw him, lying motionless, all I can think about was how short this life is, and I don’t want to lose him, ever again, you know?” 

“We know, Niall.” Harry says, tighten his grip around Niall. “Sorry I brought up about the accident.” 

“It’s okay.” Niall says simply. 

“So, since Harry here has managed to dampen the mood, what do you say if we punish him? Making him babysit Alicia for the night.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “That’s not punishment, Louis.” He says, and of course he is right when Harry squeals excitedly. 

“Well, I can do that. Especially now that I’m here, and if you and Zayn need a _private_ time, you know?” Harry says, raising his eyebrows suggestively. 

Niall snorts. “He has a broken leg, Harry. I don’t think we need a _private_ time.”

“Well, there’s so much _things_ you can do with crutches, Niall.” Louis pipes in, high-fiving Harry as they both cackle when Niall blushes again. Liam shrugs silently, but Niall can see how his eyes are staring at Niall mischievously. 

Niall groans out loud, pulling his blanket over his face, trying to hide his red face. “I hate you lads!”

**************

The next week passed as a blur to Niall. After Zayn is discharged, Niall’s hours pretty much fills with taking care of Zayn, due to his limitation to do anything because of a broken leg, and the bed rest order from the doctor to heal the other wounds. Niall is being a private nurse at his own home. On top of that, he still needs to take care of Alicia, and if Niall is yawning loudly when he enters the room, no one can blame him.

He feels the exhaustion starts to bring him down, as he sways slightly, before he realizes what’s happening and shakes his head, trying to remain awake. He still needs to monitor Alicia for the rest of the night, because apparently, universe has a plan to increase Niall’s worry when Alicia was down with a fever two days ago. 

“Niall, come here.” Zayn calls out, and Niall stops rubbing his eyes, blinking owlishly at his boyfriend. 

Zayn smiles gently, patting the empty space besides him on the bed, opening his arm, beckoning for Niall to come and cuddle with him. Cautiously, Niall climbs on the bed, until he reaches beside Zayn and resting his head on Zayn’s chest. Zayn starts to play with his hair quietly, tracing his finger over Niall’s scar near his forehead, the stitches that Niall got from the accident. “How’s your head?” 

“It’s okay.” Niall replies, and when Zayn stares at him sceptically, Niall sighs and shrugs. “Just a little pounding here and there. But that barely noticeable. I’m fine.” Niall answers truthfully. 

Niall closes his eyes, too content in Zayn’s arm, and he feels himself at the brink of sleep, lulled by the steady rise of Zayn’s chest. “I love you.” Zayn speaks up, and Niall smiles, still closing his eyes.

“I love you too.” Niall replies easily. 

Zayn hums, pulling away slightly to see Niall’s face. His finger reaches for Niall’s chin, tilting Niall’s head up, staring right into Niall’s eyes. “Are you sure we’re really okay, Ni? I mean, we never talked about what happened properly. I want you to know that I’m truly sorry for everything.” 

Niall stills briefly, before he snuggles closer towards Zayn. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself before he opens up about the topic. “I was just scared, Zayn.” 

“Scared? Why?” Zayn asks and Niall can hear the genuine confusion in his tone. 

Niall falls into silent, letting Zayn play with his hair and part of him wants to fall asleep, but the other part of him, the bigger part, thinks that he owes Zayn an explanation. And he thinks they need to clear things up too. “You know that my parents got divorced when I was a kid, right?” 

Zayn nods. “Yes, I know. I think, everyone knows that.”

Niall nods against Zayn’s chest, fingers start to play with the hem of the blanket that’s covering both of them. “The thing is, there are some things about it that nobody knew. Not even you knew it, because I’ve never talked about this to anyone.” Niall says, pausing slightly and he knows Zayn is giving him time to compose himself and continue. 

“My parents were having problems for months before they got divorced. I used to watch them fighting constantly.” Niall starts. “It was one day, on my way down to the kitchen, I heard they started to yell at each other, again. It was at the same time I’ve heard my mom’s voice, asking for a divorce and my father went silent.” 

Zayn tightens his grip around Niall. “You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to, babe. I know this must’ve been hard for you if you refused to talk about this to anyone before.”

Niall shakes his head. “No, it’s not fair to you though.” He insists. “Anyway, because I was a curious kid-“

“You still are a curious kid.” Zayn teases.

Niall pinches Zayn’s arm lightly. “Okay, so I went closer to the door, trying to listen to the rest of the words, you know? It was right then I heard that my mom telling my dad that she didn’t love him anymore.” He pauses, before he continues. “I was shocked. How come someone could stop loving their significant other? Like, how would love, just _stop_? Just like that.” 

“There must’ve been some reasons that you didn’t know back then, Ni.” Zayn points out. 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know. I never asked them. But since then, I’ve been sceptical with love, you know that. You know my dating history, I was never truly in love with anyone, until you. You opened my heart, and I let you in. And everything was perfect-,”

“Until I ruined it.” Zayn pipes in quietly. 

“You weren’t the only one who got the blame here, Zayn.” Niall declares truthfully. “I was just so scared that you would stop loving me. So when you started to give more attention to Em, and the constant fights that we had,” he trails off. “I didn’t know what to do. It just reminded me so much of my parents before they separated. Before two people fell out love and left their partner.” 

“But you were the one who left me first, Niall.” Zayn says, and there’s a tinge of sadness in Zayn’s voice and Niall wraps his arm tighter around Zayn’s waist. 

“I know, but at that time, I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Niall admits truthfully. “I thought it was for the best. I wanted to spare my feelings, and I didn’t want to confront you because I was scared that you would actually let me go, and I can’t bear with that. I can’t bear with the fact that you would stop loving me. Just having a thought about it made my heart broke, let alone to hear the actual words coming out from your mouth.”

Zayn sighs slightly, before leaning down, kissing Niall’s head gently. “I’m sorry, Ni. I didn’t know about that part with your parents.” He tells Niall. “But here’s the thing, babe. Arguing is normal in a relationship, okay? You’d be surprised to know how my parents are always on each other’s throat.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Really? Trisha and Yasir?” He asks, tilting his head to look at Zayn slightly, searching for the sign if Zayn is lying about it. 

Zayn nods, smiling slightly. “Oh babe, if only you knew, how many times they were fighting for even small, irrelevant things – like who didn’t turn off the light, who left the tap water running, and even about who didn’t lock the goddamn backdoor, all the small things like those.” Zayn tells Niall. “But that doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. It’s just a part of how relationships works. I’m sorry that you got the wrong impressions from your experience.” 

Niall sighs. “I know, but it doesn’t matter anymore, now, okay? I believe you. I’m still in love with you.” He tells Zayn, shifting slightly until he can reach Zayn’s chin, leaving small peck on the stubbles, too comfortable in his position to move further. 

“And I guess, part of me was just jealous of you and Em too.” Niall admits truthfully. 

Zayn chuckles, body vibrating slightly with his laugh. “I have never heard you admitting that you’re a jealous person.”

“I know, but-,” Niall groans. “Like I said, I was just jealous. And now that I'm saying it out loud, I guess I was just stupid at that time.” 

Zayn shakes his head, smiling softly at Niall. “No, it’s okay. I once read that jealousy is a sign of loving someone.” He leans down slightly, stealing a kiss on Niall’s lips, before he pulls away. “So now that I’m sorry, you’re sorry, I think we’re even now. I’m glad we finally clear things up.” 

Niall nods. “I’m glad we do too.” 

Zayn moves his left hand to touch Niall’s cheek, caressing it gently, and Niall leans into the touch. “And for the record, when I said I wanted a future with you, I meant all of you, alright? The good, the bad, all of it. I can’t guarantee that our relationship will only be filled with joy and sunshine all of the time, but we’ll cross the river when we get there. At the end of the day, all we need are hope, and love.” Zayn says, pausing slightly, before he continues. “And it’s normal too, you know? Married couple bicker, and it’s normal to argue and make-up afterwards.” 

“But we’re not married.” Niall points out. 

“Yet.” Zayn says, and Niall can feel his heart thumping against his chest upon Zayn’s words. “I know you like to keep things to yourself, Ni, but I think we do need to talk if something’s bothering our minds. We’re not mind readers.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I promise I’ll talk to you if something’s bothering me.” Niall says, before he starts to yawn widely. 

“Enough with the apology.” Zayn smiles, poking at Niall’s nose. “Go to sleep, babe. You look exhausted.”

Niall shakes his head. “I need to stay awake. Need to be alert if Alicia starts to cry or something.” He says, trying to remain awake. 

“I can do that.” Zayn points out. 

“But, Zayn-,” Niall says, eyes automatically gaze towards Zayn’s casted leg. 

Zayn snorts. “See, I have this thing called crutches, you know?”

“But-,”

“No but.” Zayn cuts Niall off quickly. “You’ve been taking care of me, and Alicia too, for days now. You need to rest.” 

Niall sighs. “Yeah, I know, but I can do that later.” He tells Zayn, before he starts to yawn again, eyes watering. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand, trying to get rid of the sleepiness. 

Zayn pulls Niall’s hand away, before pulling Niall’s body closer towards him, and Niall instinctively curls against Zayn’s torso, carefully avoiding the bruises. 

“Niall, I know you want to take care of the baby.” Zayn says knowingly. “But I want to do that too. Don’t be a baby hogger.” 

Niall chuckles slightly. “I’m not!” 

Zayn laughs. “You totally are!” 

Niall pinches Zayn’s bare chest lightly, his movement sluggish as he can feel the sleepiness is taking over his body.

Zayn smiles at Niall. “Look, it’s okay to take care of our baby, but right now, I want to take care of _my_ baby right here.” 

“Zayn,” Niall whines, cheeks hot from embarrassment upon Zayn’s words. 

Zayn pinches Niall’s cheeks playfully, before starting to thread his fingers through Niall’s hair. “Shhh, go to sleep, baby.” 

Niall feels so blissful at the action, and he’s too tired to argue, and the last thing he remembers is the feel of Zayn’s lips against his forehead.

**************

“I thought you were in Alicia’s room.” Zayn says, sneaking his arms around Niall’s waist, startling him.

“Oh, no, I just went to see the sunrise.” Niall says, leaning against Zayn as he feels Zayn’s hand tighten around him. He puts his hand atop of Zayn’s relishing the moment.

“Is everything okay, Ni? I notice you’re always end up sleeping late but waking up early lately. Is something bothering you?” Zayn asks, genuine concern in his tone and Niall swallows nervously. 

He turns around, and Zayn releases his grip slightly, but not pulling away, and Niall stares at his boyfriend. “I just,” he trails off. “I can’t really sleep.” 

“Why?”

Niall sighs, figuring out that he needs to tell Zayn sooner or later. “I have nightmares.” 

Zayn furrows his eyebrows. “About what?” 

Niall keeps silent, doesn’t really know how to reply to that question. He doesn’t want to worry Zayn but at the same time, he doesn’t want to let Zayn down too, because he had freaking promised to tell Zayn if something is bothering him. 

“About you. The accident. Sometimes, Alicia is in the dream too.” Niall murmurs quietly. “I’m too scared to sleep, cause I can’t bear to see with my eyes, that I’d lose you two.” 

Zayn’s hands reaching for Niall’s face, gently caressing Niall’s cheeks with his thumbs. “Hey, I’m here with you now. I’m fine. _We_ are fine.” Zayn says gently. 

Niall nods, taking a shuddery breath. “I know, but I’m just-“

Niall’s words are cut off by the press of Zayn’s lips against his, and Niall melts into the kiss for a moment, before Zayn pulls away slightly, smiling at Niall. 

Zayn pokes his pointing finger at Niall’s chest. Twice. Then he pokes Niall’s belly button and Niall’s eyes widen. “Did you just-“

“ _Beep. Beep. Boop._ ” Zayn grins, before repeating the same action again. “Remember?” 

Niall nods, grinning back at Zayn. Of course he remembers. He presses his body closer to Zayn, encircling his arm around Zayn neck, and pulling Zayn’s face into a kiss again, his nightmares long forgotten.

**************

Niall plops on the couch, lazily snuggling into Zayn’s open arms. “Alicia went to sleep?” Zayn asks, and Niall nods.

“Had to read her the same story, twice.” Niall grumbles fondly, shaking his head. Apparently, their now 3-years-old daughter is having the phase of being in a princess, like in her bedtime stories. 

Zayn chuckles, “she sounds like you when you forced me to sing you the same song over and over again until you fell asleep,” he teases, and Niall chuckles lightly. “Oh, and anyway, Harry texted me.” 

Niall tilts his head up slightly, to look at his boyfriend. “Yeah? What about?” He asks, pulling away from Zayn and starts to lie across the couch, propping his feet on Zayn’s lap. 

“He’ll have a meeting in LA next week, so he asked us to take care of his bunnies.” 

Niall snorts, shaking his head fondly as he remembers the moment Harry decided to buy another bunny. “How many bunnies are he planning to keep anyway? I thought Chibby was enough.” 

Zayn laughs, shrugging slightly. “You know him. He said, and I quote, _the more, the merrier, Zayn._ Somehow I wonder what’s on his mind. But anyway, it got me thinking,-” Zayn’s hand stops playing with Niall’s feet and Niall tears his gaze away from the television to look at Zayn. 

“Thinking of what?” Niall asks curiously. 

“How do you feel about having another baby?” Zayn blurts out. 

Niall’s eyes widen. “Are you for real?” 

Zayn nods firmly, and before Niall knows it, Zayn is suddenly moving, putting himself between Niall’s legs, hovering over Niall’s body. “I’m in for it. This time, I want to see that little nose of yours, running around our house.” Zayn says, leaning his forehead against Niall’s, breathing airily into Niall’s parted lips. “And for your record, no matter how many kids that we’ll have later, you’re always going to be _my_ baby.” 

Niall blushes furiously, and shrieks in surprise when Zayn starts to nibbling on his nose. “I wish we can make our own baby.” Niall blurts out. 

Zayn stops nibbling on Niall’s neck, before he stares at Niall with a glistening of lust in his eyes, making Niall feels all of his bloods are rushing towards the bottom part of his body. 

“Yeah, well, we can _try._ ” Zayn’s suggestively, before he slips his hand into the hole of Niall’s shirts, spreading his large hands all over Niall’s bare torso under the shirt. 

Niall sucks in his breath, as he feels Zayn’s hands start to caress his tummy, before Zayn grins mischievously at him. He starts to moan, arching his back slightly when Zayn’s thumbs start to rub both of his nipples, and he curses Zayn mentally for knowing which part of Niall’s body will react the most by his touch. “Men can’t get pregnant, you idiot.” Niall blurts out, sticking his tongue out at Zayn. 

“Like I said, we can _try._ ” Zayn echoes his earlier words, before he starts to pinch Niall’s hardening nipples, and Niall moans louder this time.

Niall bucks his hip up, grinding against Zayn’s body, panting slightly. “Yeah, we can _try._ ”


End file.
